Kevin Devine
Ballgame (Live at St Pancras Old Church)
A good man doesn't drink
But I’ve been drinking alone
So what does that make me?
My hands they always shake
And no one's calling my phone
So what does that make me?

And I know the kid with his guitar so drunk and anxious
Had been done to death, but you showed me what hadn't
I tried it
Because I’m selfish enough to want to get better
But i'm backwards enough not to take any steps to get there

So when you realize it's a pattern, and not a phase
It's what you've become and it's what you will stay
That's ballgame

See, I can't make room in my life for anyone else like me
So I’ve been driving away all the people that could help me
Before they can leave
And I still don’t even know what I need to do
To fix myself, you see?
But I'm trying now, I’m trying now, for the first time
To learn to stay free

There's a clamp across my chest that tightens every time
I lapse into another sorry story
About some miserable collapse
A bronze box I keep encased in glass
And dust off whenever I sing to your city
But lately I've had to come to terms with scope and
Figure out how my problems stack up in a world two steps from ruin
(I don't believe in the rapture)
But, either way, I realize my problems are as small as they could be
Which makes me feel bad for even feeling this bad in the first place
Most days

Cause there are ten wars going on
And all the flags are still waiving
And Dan’s 20 year-old friends are all 30, willing and serving
They're Marines and they showed me
And it makes me sad, it makes me really fucking sad
But at least they act

So I bite my tongue and tell him
‘Brother, you wish them luck', and pray that they come back
To a God I make
And then I drink those thoughts away
I'm really good at that

So when you realize it's a pattern, and not a phase
It's what you've become and it's what you will stay
That's ballgame

She says ‘I wanna get free'
I say ‘Free from what?'
She took her kid by the arm
And said ‘you piss away the things you love'
You'll go auditioning replacements
From church pew, to backyard, to basement
But in the back of your mind
You hope that your true love is waiting
(And it's a gift if she waited)
She's just not gonna come digging for you anymore
So wake up, wake up, cause you're not done
We fix ourselves up, kids
We can learn how to love
The way we're hardwired to love
But let's start with ourselves for once
And mean something for more than 6 months
There's work to be done