[Verse 1]
It was a wonderful world
The picture tube was bright
There was so much to do on a Saturday night
Plenty of talk during commercials
Sometimes even popcorn in bed

[Verse 2]
I’ve been a model provider
You must admit to that
A lovely rented bungalow
Two terrific little cats
Is there something that I might have missed?
You haven't heard a word I've said

[Chorus]
Since his penis came between us
Since his penis came between us

[Verse 3]
I don't mean to seem angry
But I'm a bit taken back
What did you say his name was?
Oh my god, it's not Jack?
That scoundrel's gonna get a talkin' to
Tomorrow at the coffee machine
[Verse 4]
It's always someone you know
In this case, my best friend
How could he do this to me?
We just played golf last weekend
I've got news for Mr. So-and-so
He won't be teeing off with me

[Chorus]
Since his penis came between us
Since his penis came between us

[Verse 5]
Let's play a little game:
Is it bigger than a bread-box?
Or shorter than your maiden name?
Is it as high as an elephants eye?
Is it like mounting some great white steed?
I mean this thing you have for him
This, shall we say, need?

[Verse 6]
Let's turn off the lights, love
It's time for bed
Oh look, there's Johnny Carson
If you'd rather watch instead
I'm glad that we could have this little talk
Goodnight, and pleasant dreams, my love