[Verse]
Yo
I felt sad as a youngin and ill
Never thought sadness was something that's real
The sadness inside me is stuck in me still
I don't know why it's there it's just something I feel
I work hard, I'm, I'm a guy out for fame
My business but still work nine-hour days
My life now is great career-wise
But come to find out my mind now's insane
My serotonin's right down the drain
I think from all the drugs I fried out my brain
But I'm real I write down the ache
But it takes more than words to find out the pain
I really thought I find out a way
But there's no sunshine, life now is rain
Today I broke down I cried out, ashamed
Sat weeping for like five hours straight
Usually in control, but I lost it
My younger life, I don't know what it costed
That lifestyle was the road that I wanted
I danced with the devil, now he's taking me hostage
The doctor told me that I'm unipolar
All you feel is sadness, and all it does is chew your soul up
And if you let it win, then your future's over
But if you beat this, you'll never be a true soldier
Never felt so low before
This is my biggest low blow, for sure
But battling depression and sadness is so fucking
Hard, especially when you don't know the cause
Some of this shit, I should never say it
But this is me getting naked, see, it hurts me to hide
My career and personal life
Ayo, I'm done tryna separate it, but when I die
I hope God's up in heaven waiting 'cause He owes me
An explanation or reparation
'Cause if happiness is really a destination
Why the fuck am I designated to never make it?
Doctors want me segregated, wearing metal bracelets
Tryna find the right fucking medication
But I'm so scared of being a zombie
Yo, I need to get creative and not just get sedated
Depression is an illness of a generation
Anxiety too there's so many cases
As well as trepidation and desperation
It's like the fucking world is a mass full of mental patients
Depression made a reservation in your head
So you better make some preparations
Everybody's got the trigger in their mind
But no one ever gets their heads up when it's detonated
I've never had a worser year
So hard to admit it, but it hurts to hear
Every second of the day I'm on the verge of tears
You can hear it in my voice, but I persevere
My brain sick, it ain't working clear
The 60 you and I know ain't the person here
Imagine life where there be no fun
Every day's a storm, and you see no sun
But as far as my legacy for rapping, yo
I never meant to have it as an emo one
But I just rap about what's real to me
Even if it's killing me, yo, it isn't weak
And right now this ill in me, it's filling me
And fuck this bullshit, this illness, it isn't me
I'm not religion, but I have been for this week
I pray to God, I'm begging for Him to fix me
This ain't 60, this is a sick me
I'm so sick of this sickness that's within me
If there is a God, just answer me
Or at least lend a hand to me
See, the thought of suicide isn't really killing myself
All it does is killing my fucking family
I love my fans for showing me respect
Offering support and showing me I'm blessed
Should I be so open with it? Yet
Everybody knowing I'm a mess and I'm hoping for the best
What am I to do if I haven't got a choice
And I have to miss a show 'cause I'm depressed
Where I'm jumping up on stage where I'm meant to go and rap
When I grab the fucking mic and get emotional instead
I want people to remember who I really am
And not just know me as a wreck
But I promise I will never be beaten
By this illness inside me, yo, I'm going till the end
I've had times where I'm hoping for the death
Nights where I'm closer to the edge
But I've come to understand that my sickness is only in my head
Life's hard, but I'm not over with it yet
Yo, I promise you