[Verse 1]
I'm sorry about your mama, I'm sorry about your pa
Sorry about the business with your brother-in-law
Hard cheese about the money man, hard cheese about the stock
Hard cheese about you being up to your ears in hock

Tough luck about your luggage, tough luck about your socks
Tough luck about the way that the other shoe drops
Too bad about your girlfriend, too bad about your wife
Too bad about the thing you call the rest of your life, hey

[Chorus]
How'd you get this number, man?
Who do you think you're talking to?
Now who do you think you're kidding?
What do you want me to do?
How'd you get this number, man?
Please don't make me laugh
You know you ought to be on TV
With a line like that

[Verse 2]
Hey, I heard about the car wreck, I heard about the fight
I heard about the time you was in jail all night
I know you don't like trouble and I know you don't like to fight
But I know that you can argue with a fence post all night
I heard about the lampshade, I heard you had it on your head
I heard you told a joke and knocked the whole room dead
No kidding about the cough syrup, no kidding about the junk
No kidding about you bein' in a deep blue funk

[Chorus]
How'd you get this number, man?
Who do you think you're talking to?
Now who do you think you're kidding?
What do you want me to do?
How'd you get this number, man?
Please don't make me laugh
You know you ought to be on TV
With a line like that