Jesus was a carpenter, he died nailed to a wooden cross
Irony oh irony, upon me, it's never lost

Gather round now, people, I'm here to tell a tale
About a man who walks among you, a man you each know well
My name is Simon Keeper, I had a wife and three grown kids
A job in the towers cooking the books for the shills that grease the skids

Irony oh irony, you are a bitter fruit to eat
Stripped of all your beauty, your flesh is none too sweet

Now I ain't the most honest man that ever worked a skim
I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar and brother, that was it
Fifty-four and a big black mark upon my resume
I found selling off what you don't own might earn you the time of day

Next it was a letter from my darling one
"What's yours is mine, what's mine is mine"
Sealed with a hug and kiss
One by one, my children closed their lives to me
Lessons learned on Daddy's knee
"Give no quarter to the weak"

Irony oh irony, you are the polar seed of truth
You grow upon the open plain, the faithful you uproot
Kicked around 'bout a year, living hand to mouth
Then one day tryin' to bum a light, I felt my will give out
Sat right down on the corner, started prayin' a little too loud
Left my troubles far behind when I saw them emptying their pockets out

Irony oh irony, you are a treacherous son of a bitch
Pretending not to care about the heights you'll never reach

Now I won't start in preaching about reaping what you sow
This is the story of a half-hearted man, half-honest as they go
But sit on down and rest a spell, I've got another tale to tell
About a lost young man in a faraway land whose life is just too easy to sell

Jesus was a carpenter, he died nailed to a wooden cross
Irony oh irony upon me, it's never lost