Funkmaster Flex & Big Kap
If I Get Locked Up
[Intro: Dr. Dre]
Check, check, one two, one two
One two (Yo, it’s rollin'?)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Dr. Dre up in here, y'all know what this is
It’s what you've been waitin' for, Funkmaster Flex
Big Kap, Def Jam Records
Givin' it to you, baby; yo, Eminem
Show these motherfuckers what time it is, baby

[Verse 1: Eminem, Dr. Dre]
I used to be a lonely man, only mad
'Til I got a million dollars, shit, now if I only had
Some fuckin' hair, I'd pull it faster than a bullet
Out of 2Pac's chest before the ambulance came too late to do it
I'm tryna grow it back again, it was an accident
I had my back against the fan and chopped it off in Amsterdam
I hate this straightjacket, it ain't latchin', they can't lock it
So they stapled my hands to my pants pockets
The cell's padded and battered like someone else had it
Before me and just kept throwin' they fuckin' self at it
My head is achin', I'm dedicated to medication
But this med is takin' too long to bring me this se-da-dation (Come on!)
Anyway, I got down with Dre (What up?)
The first man who taught me how the Glock sounded to spray
Run it up and down the street, screamin', "Fuck the police!"
When you still had your mother's fuckin' nipple stuck in your teeth (You fuckin' baby)
Became a role model after Colorado
Now all they do is follow me around and holler, "Bravo!"
Hell yeah, I punch my bitch
And beat my kids in public – suck my dick, bitch!
I'm sick enough to fuck a man in his face
But I won't, 'cause you'll prob'ly wanna stand in his place
So put a sock in it, witcha fake-ass 2Pac image
You faggots ain't tough, you just get drunk and become talkative (Wanna fight?)
I'm prob'ly the awkwardest alcoholic talkin'
Walkin' like a midget with a ladder in his back pocket
So when you see me on your block stumblin'
Mumblin' a bunch of dumb shit like my drunk uncle does
I ain't buzzed, I'm just high on life
So why on Earth would I need drugs when I fly on kites?
[Interlude: Eminem, Dr. Dre]
Motherfucker! Slim Shady
(Dr. Dre) I'm drunk, pass the TEC!

[Chorus: Eminem, Dr. Dre]
'Cause if I get locked up tonight
Then I might not come home tonight, keep it movin'
Off and on, Eminem is on (Ayy)
Off and on, Dr. Dre is on (I might go to jail)
'Cause if I get locked up tonight
Then I might not come home tonight, keep it movin'
Off and on, Eminem is on (Ayy)
Off and on, Dr. Dre is on

[Verse 2: Eminem]
The whole entire world can sit and twirl like a whirlin' tire
I set a fuckin' girl on fire with a curlin' iron (Ah!)
Psych! I'm just jokin', for Christ's sakes
Don't get so bent out of shape 'cause I went out and raped six girlfriends
Some people just don't get it
But I won't let it upset me 'cause they don't know better
They don't know what the fuck it's like to be so fed up
And fed so many uppers you're down and won't get up
My mind's got a mind of its own
Sometimes I can't find it at home, it hides in the stove (Hello, where you at?)
Shit, talk about your brain bein' baked
My shit's still in the oven on four-hundred-and-eighty degrees
Hailie Jade, Daddy loves you, baby
Don't ever tell me how to raise my daughter – fuck you, lady!
You critics wanna criticize but couldn't visualize
Individuals lives through a criminal's eyes (Fuck y'all)
The neighborhood that I grew up in, you could die for nothin'
And Dirty Dozen watches over me, so try some dumb shit
I'll have a fuckin' man raped with a Band-Aid
Over his mouth and shove his head in a fan blade
Don't ever tell me what I can or what I can't say
Or change 'cause of the age range in my fanbase
Like I give a fuck who's buyin' this shit
Quit fuckin' buyin' it, I'm tired, bitch, I'm dyin' to quit
Hip-hop is universal now, it's so commercial now
It's like a circle full of circus clowns up in the circuit now
But now the white kids like it, so they tell me I can buy it
But as soon as I get on the mic, it's like the night gets silent
Either that or booed, that's why I keep an attitude
And go to sleep with it and wake up with it every afternoon
I'm sick of bein' judged, fuck it, let me see a judge
I'll confess to every murder I committed since three years old
[Chorus: Eminem, Dr. Dre]
'Cause if I get locked up tonight
Then I might not come home tonight, keep it movin'
Off and on, Eminem is on (Ayy)
Off and on, Dr. Dre is on (What?)

[Outro: Dr. Dre]
Ayo, fuck that, turn that shit off
Let's get the fuck up outta here, you know how we do