She's signing autographs for hours
The line is longer when you deal with amateurs
I've got some autographs of others
But a shirt that smells a little like her

Once the bane of my perversion
Now she's on the television

Turn it up, turn it down
Tune me in, tune me out

Bite my lip around the family
They know her holiday and summer weekend face
She's got a lovely shitcom family
Adopted one of every single race

Put yourself in my position
My ex is on the television

Turn it up, turn it down
Tune me in, tune me out
Turn it up, turn it down
Tune me in, tune me out

When you place your lips upon the screen
The spark of which I've never seen
A volume knob controls the scream
Turn it up, turn it down
Tune me in, tune me out
Turn it up, turn it down
Tune me in, tune me out

Turn it up, turn it down
Tune me in, tune me out
Turn it up, turn it down
Tune me in, tune me out