[Mitosis]
You want to take on Mitosis?
Let me get your diagnosis
It says you’re half the man I am
And all your raps are necrosis

Yeah I’m so perfectly perfect
In all my careful divisions
Creating identical versions
While you’re “Oh I’m so different”

Don’t talk to me!
You’ve been around the block too many times
And your duplicate splitting is constantly spitting out
Four daughter nuclei?

[Meiosis]
Don’t be jealous cause I’m sexy
And I got two sets of phases
I like to mix DNA up
When I’m entering my prophase stages!

You’re like your parents kid
Just like a clone
You see this chromosomal genetic
Combination’s mine own!
I’m independent
My chromosomes don’t need any pairs
At the end there’s only 23
So your mom and dad can share and make

Life! Yeah I’m the one that
Gives you your offspring
Though my genetic variance can create arrogance
DNA’s changing from New York to Beijing...

[Mitosis]
Sure, if it weren’t for you
I wouldn’t have kids
But if I wasn’t here
Then you wouldn’t exist

And those babies you keep bringing up?
Awwww, real cute
I’m the one that makes them grow
So you can stop cleaning their puke!!

You’re like telophase
The only thing worth admiring is your cleavage
I don’t want to give half of my chromosomes up
What I’ve built in my nucleus is my achievement
I’m like telophase too
I like to kick back and unwind
But I’m secretly Anaphase
Pulling you apart from inside!

I repair the whole body
To make you grow big and strong
If I wanted sex cells
I would just ask your mom

[Meiosis]
Hey – here’s a question!
Maybe you have the answer
Did you know you’re the main cause
For a whole bunch of cancers?

Yeah, your errors
Cause a lot of conditions
Ouch! Did that burn?
Better call the physician

[Mitosis]
Sorry! Can’t feel your burns
As I can regrow skin
I’ll repair tissue, build membranes
To never let you in
[Meiosis]
Whatever! I have Meiosis 1
And of course Meiosis 2
A way more complex process
Making me way better than you

Two successive divisions
4 perfect daughter cells
Each one ends up haploid
Is that your testes thanking me as well?

And I was discovered first
1876 to be exact
So I’m older and wiser than you
And that is a fact

[Mitosis]
My overabundance and detailed importance
Makes me a bit more complex
So my discovery required
A lot more context

I come from Walther Flemming’s
Genius mind and observations
Look at this cutie’s beard
He’d give anyone stimulation

[Meiosis]
Well one of my forefathers
Had the hippest glasses and peach fuzz
Gertwig was a hipster
Before everybody was

You see it’s me that makes the gametes
So all of humanity can reproduce
Gotta strive for diversity and progress
So we don’t end up like you - a douche!

[Mitosis]
Hey! Hey! Hey! Both our chromosomes
Line up on the equator
And we’re mostly stuck in interphase
So let’s try not to be a haters

[Both]
When it comes to agreeing
One thing we have at least is
That both our epic journeys
End in cytokinesis!