[Spoken word intro: Announcer]
Ladies and gentleman, Quinta Brunson!

[QUINTA BRUNSON]
Thank you! Guys, thank you so much
It is so amazing to be back hosting SNL for the second time
After my first time hosting, I just knew I had to come back because I forgot my phone charger
But also because it was one of the best nights of my life
I didn't always think something like this, you know, would happen for me
I'm a college dropout, but last year, Temple University actually gave me an honorary degree. Yes
I was honored along Desmond Tutu, a Supreme Court justice and a senator
I remеmber sitting on stage with them and thinking, "Yеah, what we do is the same." Yeah
That's all to say, my path here didn't look like everybody else's
Not many people know this, but when I was really broke, I worked on a phone sex line
When you work on the phones, you get paid by the second
And by the end of my first week, I had only made $1.38
So that wasn't for me. But I'm here now and I'm proof you can do anything you put your mind to, even if people look down on you. That's right
Whether it's because of where you come from or literally because you're only 4'11"
Yeah, that's right. I'm short. Yeah, yeah, it's okay
You know, they even tried to cast me as a kid on "Abbott Elementary" and I wrote that
But I love being short and I want other short people to know the sky's the limit
So shorties, tonight, this one's for us
May I have a microphone, please?
No, that's too high. Get–Just get–Just get out of here. I'll project. Thank you

(sung)
Being short is amazing
Being short is just fine
I'm a cheap date 'cause I get wasted off of one glass of wine
I like being tiny 'cause there's nothing wrong
With being 4'11" and talking about it in a song
Hit it!
Nothing wrong with being short
Won't you come on down?
Where crop tops are dresses and dresses are gowns
I'm 4'11" and I'm taking this town
So if you're looking for a superstar, start looking down

(spoken)
Yes, yes, ah, being short is incredible
I went for a walk through the park the other day and I didn't realize I had won a limbo competition
When you're short, you can do anything

(sung)
You can flip like Simone, Olympic superstar
Or start a war with Drake like you're Kendrick Lamar
You can be like Tom Holland and marry a ten
Or like Sabrina Carpenter and

(spoken)
Wait
Sabrina! Sabrina, it's the real you!
What are you doing here?

[SABRINA CARPENTER]
I mean, you were talking about being short, so I thought I'd stop by

[QUINTA]
Yeah
Sabrina, can I ask you something one shorty to another?
[SABRINA]
Anything

[QUINTA]
When you eat short rib, does it just taste like rib?

[SABRINA]
I never thought about it like that, but yeah
Wait. Here's a question for you
When you read short stories, do they feel like novels?

[QUINTA]
Yes! Finally someone who understands
But being short isn't all bad

[SABRINA]
No! Of course not

(sung)
There's so much to there
So much to do down here
So much to see from the view down here
Door handles, window sills

[QUINTA]
Toddlers' eyes, people's crotches
And Jeremy Allen White!
What is it, girl? What do you see?
[SABRINA]
Look over there!

[QUINTA & SABRINA]
It's a pair of knees

(spoken)
[QUINTA]
Oh, damn! I sound good when we sing at the same time

[MARCELLO HERNANDEZ]
Hey guys!

[QUINTA]
Oh, Marcello!
Are you here for the short people monologue?
To do the short people thing with us?

[MARCELLO]
Oh, nah. I just thought I would come stand next to you 'cause it makes me look super tall

[SABRINA]
Come on, Marcello. You should be proud of being short!

[DWYANE WADE]
Yeah! I really love this song

[QUINTA]
Dwyane. Sorry. What are you doing here?

[DWYANE]
Well, I was just in the audience watching SNL and I heard your song about being short and I felt seen

[QUINTA]
But you're tall. You're 6'4"

[DWYANE]
Yeah, but I'm 6'4", in like basketball world, that's like 4'10"
Shaq's like 7'1". I just really want to be in the song

[QUINTA]
Alright, I can't say no to you, Dwyane Wade
Get back up here, everybody. It's time for the finale!
One-two, a, one-two-three-four!

(sung)
[MARCELLO, QUINTA & SABRINA]
It's how we like our movies and how we like our margins
We've been the same height since kindergarten

[SABRINA]
Life is just more fun

[QUINTA]
When you're fun size
Now it's time for the show

[MARCELLO, QUINTA & SABRINA]
Quinta's here and we love!

(spoken)
[QUINTA]
We got a great show for you tonight!
Benson Boone is here, so stick around and we'll be right back!