[Intro]
(You again)
(Are you following me?)
(Why no, I'm stalking you)
(From a distance I desired her
Se-secretly admired her
From a distance I desired her
Se-secretly admired her)

[Verse 1]
I stroll through the mall
Running my finger along the wall
I just left a restroom stall
Got a strange way of moving
Strange way of dressin'
Strange way of making a, good first impression
Member's Only jacket, unidentified packet
Sunglasses, jeans washed with acid, newspaper in the back
I also got a dagger strapped to my leg
But who knows what I'm gonna do with that
A sick fuck without employment
Hankering in every single shopping center for my own enjoyment
I'm checking out a girl that's fly
She's working at the MAC make-up counter, next to Best Buy
Waiting by the elevator, tryna look busy
So I can figure out what I'm gonna tell her later
First time I met her I didn't really meet her
I was making change as she was purchasing a peter
I gave her money back, she gave me a look
Batted her, eyelashes that was all that it took
Now she owes me, cause it's obvious she wants me
I'm looking at you, girl I must have you
[Sample of someone talking]
Cause you're the one
You are the unspoiled virgin bride
You are the blonde canvas on which I will paint my future
Don't you remember you smiled at me once at the croissant tray

[Verse 2]
Quirky and eccentric, I'm a true fiend
I know her routine, her eyes are blue green
I guess they're contacts cause they used to be brown
Plus I watched her get 'em at the optician downtown
I'm always scoping her usually from far away
She rides the silver Audi off to work everyday
Except for Thursday she gets a ride from her mother
Or some other dude 'til I kill that motherfucker
Forget the narrative, I'm thinking horse drawn carriages
And marriages, she likes to eat asparagus, so I think
Cause it stinks when I'm hanging out
At her bathroom sink, having a drink
When she's at the shrink
Yo she never should've winked
Now I got her name on my arm in ink
I'm in her closet stroking her mink
Looking for the missing link
But all I find is Pink and N'Sync
She's sweet, sixteen and good, yet she's calling me a creep
Cause I'm sneaking through her backyard just to watch her sleep
Rain snow or sleet, you gotta understand
No matter where she goes, there I am, the stalker
[Hook]
(From a distance I desired her
Se-secretly admired her
From a distance I desired her
Se-secretly admired her)
Alright wanna do what I do
Listen this is how it goes

[Verse 3]
Find out where she works, go online, do a search
Dig up some dirt, put on a shirt, buy some Certs
But look like a regular guy, don't go berserk
You whole goal's to flirt, but for now you gotta lurk
Pretend you're a customer, grab yourself a map
And throw an extra sweater in the bag from The Gap
And keep a low pro, but don't look conspicuous
And don't wear that Iceberg (why?), it looks ridiculous
Grab a trench, find a bench near the wench
Put your elbows on your lap and just sit there like that
Nah, it sounds dreadful but find out her schedule
If she gotta close, you gotta rock the janitor's clothes
And change thrash 'til your knees hurt
Water plants in the short sleeve shirt till she leaves work
And if she's off at eleven?
Be outside with your lights out and the engine revvin'
[Engine revving]

[Older guys talking]
Well, I realised recently that I'm getting older, and I, the way I knew this was that young teenage girls don't even acknowledge me as a sexual being. Now don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that I wanna have sex with teenage girls, throw me a bone, you know, how about a smile, you know what I mean? Nothing, nothing unless it's to turn to their friends and go. "Why is that weird guy looking at us?". (laughing) "What's he doing at the mall? We get to the food court, the guards there, run you guys". (laughing) I lied, I lied, I lied, I, of course I wanna have sex with teenage girls, (laughing) doesn't everyone? (laughing even louder) I mean, that's why there's a law. (everyone laughs) If no one wanted to do it, THERE WOULDN'T BE A LAW! (everyone laughs)
Wait, do you think they pull 18 out of thin air?