If you gave me a nickel to mend my ways
Well, then I'd have a nickel
And I reckon I'd probably owe you change
I don't have a care
I don't have a plan
I've got nothing to spare
And it's just the way I am

If you gave me a two-cents
On how to live my life
Well, then I'd have two cents
And a great big pile of bad advice
I don't doubt your mind or ability
I just highly doubt that you know
What's right for me

You say I'm stubborn as a mule, boy
'Cause you've got words I just won't hear
I may seem stubborn as a mule, boy
But if wealth is measured by the ease
To do just what you please
Then I'm the richest man in here

You say to save my pennies
For a rainy day
But I can't buy beer with pennies
I've gone and stashed away
That rainy day might be when I'm dead
So I'd rather spend them
Now on beer instead
If you bet me a dollar
That I am wrong
I'd take that dollar
And I'd put it in the jukebox for this song
Then I'd sit on back
And pretend to hear your nagging words
While I finish up my beer

You say I'm stubborn as a mule, boy
'Cause you've got words I just won't hear
I may seem stubborn as a mule, boy
But if wealth is measured by the ease
To do just what you please
Then I'm the richest man in here

You got the things you need
And that's alright for you
You got your cubicle
And your three-piece suit
You got security and hypertension, too
And you've got that tie that fits you like a noose

Bet your bottom dollar
That the buck stops here
'Cause if you meet me in another forty years
I'll still be broke
And I may be old
But the life I've lived
Would've been worth more than gold
You say I'm stubborn as a mule, boy
'Cause you've got words I just won't hear
I may seem stubborn as a mule, boy
But if wealth is measured by the ease
To do just what you please
Then I'm the richest man in here