The guy upstairs is such a freak
For five years now I've had a leak
What does he do up there?
All day long he "sleeps all day,"
Then he goes out and comes home
In the most intoxicated way
As far as I can tell, he juggles bowling balls
But he's not good at it
He moves his furniture then at six am
He pulls out the vacuum cleaner
To suck his room
The guy downstairs is also crazy
He spent some time in an institute
It did him not much good
He's off his medication
And he starts screaming
"Virgin Mary, you fucking alien!"
According to him Jesus Christ smokes crack
And other sundry things
But it's the man upstairs who pulls the strings
Won't let me sleep

Please, kill that man upstairs
If you ever loved me, you'll do this one thing
Won't you sweetheart?
Please murder that man upstairs
If you want to be my friend
You'll have to prove you mean it
I used to think that rent control was a good idea
Until I moved here
Now I'm the only sucker
Paying more than a hundred bucks a room
And I'm surrounded by lunatics who don't
Even need a moon
But it's the man upstairs who pulls the strings
Won't let me sleep

Please, kill that man upstairs
If you ever loved me, you'll do this one thing
Won't you sweetheart?
Please murder that fuck upstairs
If you want to be my friend
You'll have to prove you mean it

Then there's the lady across the hall
Who always knows what's going on
And Machu Pichu down the stairs
Who is selling crack from door to door
14B are refugees and 14A transvestite whores
But you know who is coming home
He's falling up his drunken stairs

Please, kill that man upstairs
If you ever loved me, you'll do this one thing
Won't you sweetheart?
Please murder that fuck upstairs
If you want to be my friend
You'll help me get a good night sleep