[RIFF]
Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke
Ya gotta understand
It’s just our bringin’ upke
That gets us outta hand
Our mothers all are junkies
Our fathers all are drunks
Golly Moses naturally we’re punks

[ALL]
Gee, Officer Krupke, we’re very upset;
We never had the love that every
Child oughta get
We ain’t no delinquents
We’re misunderstood
Deep down inside us there is good!

[RIFF]
There is good!

[ALL]
There is good, there is good
There is untapped good
Like inside, the worse of us is good

[TIGER]
That’s a touchin’ good story
[RIFF]
Lemme tell it to the world!

[TIGER]
Just tell it to the Judge

[RIFF]
Dear kindly Judge, your Honor
My parents treat me rough
With all their marijuana
They won’t give me a puff
They didn’t wanna have me
But somehow I was had
Leapin’ lizards — that’s why I’m so bad!

[SNOWBOY]
Right!
Officer Krupke, you’re really a square;
This boy don’t need a judge
He needs an analyst’s care!
It’s just his neurosis that oughta be curbed
He’s psychologically disturbed

[RIFF]
I’m disturbed!
[ALL]
We’re disturbed, we’re disturbed
We’re the most disturbed
Like we’re psychologically disturbed

[SNOWBOY]
Hear ye, Hear ye!
In the opinion of this court
This child is depraved
On account he ain’t had a normal home

[RIFF]
Hey, I’m depraved on account I’m deprived!

[SNOWBOY]
So take him to a headshrinker
You!

[ACTION]
Who me?

[RIFF]
My Daddy beats my Mommy
My Mommy clobbers me
My Grandpa is a Commie
My Grandma pushes tea
My sister wears a mustache
My brother wears a dress
Goodness Gracious, that’s why I’m a mess!
[ACTION]
Yes!
Officer Krupke, he shouldn’t be here
This boy don’t need a couch, he needs
A useful career
Society’s played him a terrible trick
And sociologically he’s sick!

[RIFF]
I am sick!

[ALL]
We are sick, we are sick
We are sick sick sick
Like we’re sociologically sick!

[ACTION]
In my opinion, this child does not need
To have his head shrunk at all
Juvenile delinquency is purely a
Social disease

[RIFF]
Hey, I got a social disease!

[ACTION]
So take him to a social worker!

[BIG DEAL]
Which way?

[ACTION]
That way

[RIFF]
Dear kindly social worker
They tell me get a job
Like be a soda-jerker
Which means like be a slob
It’s not I’m anti-social
I’m only anti-work
Gloryosky, that’s why I’m a jerk!

[A-RAB]
Eek!
Officer Krupke, you’ve done it again
This boy don’t need a job, he needs a
Year in the pen
It ain’t just a question of misunderstood;
Deep down inside him, he’s no good!

[RIFF]
I’m no good!

[ALL]
We’re no good, we’re no good
We’re no earthly good
Like the best of us is no damn good!

[SNOWBOY]
The trouble is he’s lazy

[JOYBOY]
The trouble is he drinks

[BABY JOHN]
The trouble is he’s crazy

[A-RAB]
The trouble is he stinks

[MOUTHPIECE]
The trouble is he’s growing

[ACTION]
The trouble is he’s grown!

[ALL]
Krupke, we got troubles of our own!
Gee, Officer Krupke
We’re down on our knees

[RIFF]
‘Cause no one wants a fella with
A social disease

[ALL]
Gee, Officer Krupke
What are we to do?
Gee, Officer Krupke --
Krup you!