Stephen Sondheim
Your Fault
[JACK]
But it isn't my fault
I was given those beans!
You persuaded me to trade away
My cow for beans!
And without those beans
There'd have been no stalk
To get up to the giant's
In the first place!
[BAKER]
Wait a minute, magic beans
For a cow so old
That you had to tell
A lie to sell it
Which you told!
Were they worthless beans?
Were they oversold?
Oh, and tell us who persuaded you
To steal that gold
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
See, it's your fault
[JACK]
No!
[BAKER]
Yes, it's your fault
[JACK]
No!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
Yes, it is!
[JACK]
It's not!
[BAKER]
It's true
[JACK]
Wait a minute
But I only stole the gold
To get my cow back
From you!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
So it's your fault!
[JACK]
Yes!
[BAKER]
No, it isn't!
I'd have kept those beans
But our house was cursed
She made us get the cow to get
The curse reversed!
[WITCH]
It's his father's fault
That the curse got placed
And the place got cursed
In the first place!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
Oh!
Then it's his fault!
[WITCH]
So
[CINDERELLA]
It was his fault!
[JACK]
No
[BAKER]
Yes, it is
It's his
[CINDERELLA]
I guess
[JACK]
Wait a minute, though
I chopped down the beanstalk
Right, that's clear?
But without any beanstalk
Then what's queer
Is how did the second giant get down here
In the first place?
Second place?
[CINDERELLA]
Yes!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
How?
[BAKER]
Hmm
[JACK]
Well
Who had the other bean?
[BAKER]
The other bean?
[CINDERELLA]
The other bean?
[JACK]
You pocketed the other bean
[BAKER]
I didn't!
Yes I did
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
So it's your fault
[BAKER]
No, it isn't
'Cause I gave it to my wife!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
So it's her fault!
[BAKER]
No, it isn't!
[CINDERELLA]
Then whose is it?
[BAKER]
Wait a minute!
She exchanged that bean
To obtain your shoe
So the one who knows what happened
To that bean is you!
[CINDERELLA]
You mean that old bean
That your wife, oh, dear
But I never knew
And so I threw-
Well, don't look here!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
So it's your fault!
[CINDERELLA]
But-
[JACK]
See, it's her fault!
[CINDERELLA]
But-
[JACK]
And it isn't mine at all!
[BAKER]
But what?
[CINDERELLA]
Well, if you hadn't gone
Back up again
[JACK]
We were needy
[CINDERELLA]
You were greedy!
Did you need that hen?
[JACK]
But I got it for my mother!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
So it's her fault then!
[CINDERELLA]
Yes, and what about the harp
In the third place?
[BAKER]
The harp, yes!
[JACK]
She went and dared me to!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
I dared you to?
[JACK]
You dared me to!
She said that I was scared-
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, spoken]
Me?
[JACK]
-To
She dared me!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, sung]
No, I didn't!
[BAKER & CINDERELLA]
So, it's your fault!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
Wait a minute!
[CINDERELLA]
If you hadn't dared him to
[BAKER]
And you had left the harp alone
We wouldn't be in trouble
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
Well if you hadn't thrown the bean
[BAKER & LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
In the first place!
It was your fault!
[CINDERELLA]
Well, if she hadn't raised them in first place!
[JACK]
Yes, if you hadn't raised them in the first place!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD & BAKER]
Right! It's you who raised the beans in the first place!
[CINDERELLA]
You raised the beans in the first place!
[JACK]
It's your fault!
[ALL]
You're responsible
You're the one to blame
It's your fault!