[K.T., spoken]
Now, how do you two work together?

[CHARLEY]
Oh may I answer that?

[K.T., spoken]
Please!

[CHARLEY, spoken]
How do we work together, sure

He goes— [Arpeggio on "piano"]

And I go— [Mimics typing, the clicking keys sounding in the orchestra]

[SUNG]
And soon we're humming along—
Hmmm-Hmmm-Hmmm
And that's called writing a song—
Hmmm-Hmmm-Hmmm
Then he goes— [Arpeggio on "piano"]
And I go— [Mimics typing, the clicking keys sounding in the orchestra]
And the phone goes drrrring!
And he goes—
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter
Yes, Jerome
Mutter no, Jerome
Mutter mutter mutter mutter
[To K.T.]
—That's his lawyer, Jerome—
[Back into "phone"]
Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter do it, Jerome"
—Click!—
"Sorry, Charley—" [Arpeggio on "piano"]

So I go— (keyboard)
And he goes— [Arpeggio on "piano"]
And I go— [Mimics typing, the clicking keys sounding in the orchestra]


And soon we're tapping away—
Hmmm-Hmmm-Hmmm
Bzzz! [Mimicking an intercom]
"Sorry, Charley."
Bzzz!
It's the secretary—
Bzzz!
On the intercom—
"Yes, Miss Bzzz..."
[Nasal, as the Secretary]
"It's a messenger..."
"Thanks, Miss Bzzz
Will you tell him to wait?
Will you order the car?
Will you call up the bank?
Will you wire the coast?
Will you—"
Drrrrrring!
"Sorry, Charley—"
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter
Sell the stock
Mutter buy the rights
Mutter mutter mutter
Mutter mutter—"
Bzzz!
"Let me put you on hold..."
"Yes, Miss Bzzz..."
[Nasal, as the Secretary]
"It's the interview...?"
"Thanks, Miss Bizz
Will you tell him to wait?
Will you wire the car?
Will you order the coast?
Will you send up the bank…?"

And the telephones blink
And the stocks get sold
And the rest of us, he keeps on "hold"
And he's into making movies
And he's now a corporation
Right?

And I play at home
With my wife and kids
And I wait to hear the movie bids
And I've got a little sailboat
And I'm into meditation
Right?

He flies off to California
I discuss him with my shrink
That's the story of the way we work
Me and Franklin Shepard, Inc

[CHARLEY TO K.T., spoken]
You know, I'm surprised at how much I like this
I promise to be honest, if you promise to handle the lawsuit
[K.T., spoken to FRANK]
(laughs nervously) Now, when you do work together, I've been curious, which generally comes first, Frank—the words or the music?
[CHARLEY, spoken]
Generally, the contract

[K.T., spoken to CHARLEY]
That sounds like you think making money is a bad thing for an artist

[CHARLEY, spoken]
Money?
Did I say money?
(sung)
No, I like money a lot—
Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm
I mean, it's better than not—
Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm
But when it's—
[Grunts like a pig and starts grabbing imaginary money]
Money
[Grunt, grunt]
Money!

When you're into—
[Snorts, gathering money like a maniac]
Money!

[Spoken]
And you should be—

Listen, Frank does the money thing very well, but you know what? There are other people who do it better. And you know what? Frank does the music thing very well. And you know what? No one does it better

[Sung]
Still the telephones blink
And the buzzers buzz
And I really don't know what he does
But he makes a ton of money
And a lot of it for me
Right?

So I think "Okay!"
And I start a play
And he somehow knows
'Cause right away
It's drrrring!

[Into "phone" again, as FRANK]
"Hiya, buddy
Wanna write a show?
Got a great idea
We'll own all the rights
With a two-week out
And a turnaround
On the guarantee
Plus a gross percent
Of the billing clause—"

And there I am in California
Talkin' deals and turning pink
Back in business and I mean just that
Back with Franklin Shepard, Inc

Very sneaky how it happens
Much more sneaky than you think
Start with nothing but a song to sing
Next you're Franklin Shepard—
(spoken)
Wait a second, wait. I'm getting in too deep here. See, Frank and I are not that kind of close, not like we used to be. And friendship is like a garden, you have to water it, and tend it, and care about it. And you know what? I miss it, and I want it back. Look—
(sung)
Nothing permanent has happened
Just a temporary kink
Friendship's something you don't really lose —
Ladies and gentlemen, don't let me lose the greatest composer any lyricist ever had. Phone him, write him, stop him in the street, you'll recognize him. He's the one going through his checkbbok. And tell that man to get back to his piano!
Very sneaky how it happens
Every day you're on the brink
First the prizes, then the interviews...

[Looking around, realizing where HE is; in mock astonishment to cover his embarrassment]

Oh, my God, I think it's happened!
Stop me quick before I sink
One more triumph that I can't refuse
(spoken)
In case you didn't notice, this is my first time on TV. And my last!
No, here's the point
Whatever happens
Then we'll all go have a drink—
That's the guy I love, the fella who's
Inside
"Mutter mutter mutter
Mutter quick, Jerome
Get the president
There's a crazy man
On my TV screen..."
Inside—
Bzzz! Bzzz! Drrring!—
Inside
Franklin Shepard—
Just write him:
Care of Any Bank, U.S.A
—Inc.!