[INTERVIEWER (spoken)]
Now tell me, how do you two work together?

[CHARLEY (spoken)]
Oh, may I answer that?

[INTERVIEWER]
Please

[CHARLEY]
How do we work together? Sure
He goes —
(piano keys)
And I go —
(typing)

(sung)
And soon we're humming along —
Hmmm-mmm
And that's called writing a song —
Hmmm-mmm
Then he goes —
(piano keys)
And I go —
(typing)
And the phone goes brrrring!
And he goes —
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter, yes Jerome
Mutter, no Jerome
Mutter mutter mutter mutter"
— That's his lawyer, Jerome —
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter, do it Jerome"

Click
"Sorry, Charley… "
(piano keys)
So I go —
(typing)
And he goes —(piano keys)
And I go —
(typing)
And soon we're tapping away —
Hmmm-mmm

Bzzz!
"Sorry, Charley… "
Bzzz!
—Secretary —
Bzzz!
— On the intercom —
"Yes, Miss Bizz?"
"It's a messenger… "
"Thanks, Miss Bizz
Will you tell him to wait?
Will you order the car?
Will you call up the bank?
Will you wire the coast?
Will you — "
Brrrrrring!
"Sorry, Charley — "
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter, sell the stock
Mutter, buy the rights
Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter"
Bzzz!
"Let me put you on hold… "
Bzzz!
"Yes, Miss Bizz"
"It's the interview… "
"Thanks, Miss Bizz"
Will you tell him to wait?
Will you wire the car?
Will you order the coast?
Will you send up the bank?"

And the telephones blink
And the stocks get sold
And the rest of us he keeps on hold
And he's into making movies
And he's now a corporation
Right?

So I play at home
With my wife and kids
And I wait to hear the movie bids
And I've got a little sailboat
And I'm into meditation
Right
He flies off to California
I discuss him with my shrink
That's the story of the way we work
Me and Franklin Shepard, Inc

[INTERVIEWER (spoken)]
Now, when you do work together, I've always been curious
Which generally comes first — the words or the music?

[CHARLEY (spoken)]
Generally, the contract

[INTERVIEWER]
Ah, well that sounds like you think making money is a bad thing for an artist

[CHARLEY]
Money?
(piano keys)
Did I say money?
(typing)

(sung)
No, I like money a lot —
Hmmm-mmm
I mean, it's better than not —
Hmmm-mmm
But when it's —
(snort)
Money…
(snort, snort)
Money…
When you're into —
(snort)
Money…
And you should be —
(piano keys)

(spoken)
Listen, Frank does the money thing very well, but you know what?
Other people do it better
And Frank does the music thing very well
And you know what? No one does it better

(sung)
Still, the telephones blink
And the buzzers buzz
And I really don't know what he does
But he makes a ton of money
And a lot of it for me —
Right?

So I think "Okay,"
And I start a play
And he somehow knows
'Cause right away
It's brrrring!
"Hiya, buddy
Wanna write a show?
Got a great idea
We'll own all the rights
With a two-week out
And a turnaround
On the guarantee
Plus a gross percent
Of the billing clause — "

And there I am in California
Talking deals and turning pink
Back in business and I mean just that
Back with Franklin Shepard, Inc

Very sneaky how it happens
Much more sneaky than you think
Start with nothing but a song to sing
Next, you're Franklin Shepard —

(spoken)
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute
I'm getting in a little too deep here

[INTERVIEWER (spoken)]
Franklin, let me ask you...

[CHARLEY]
See, the thing is Frank and I are not that kind of close anymore
Not like we used to be

[INTERVIEWER]
And now, Frank...

[CHARLEY]
And a friendship is like a garden
You have to water it, you have to tend it
You have to care about it or you lose it
And I miss it, and I want it back

(sung)
Look, nothing permanent has happened
Just a temporary kink
Friendship's something you don't really lose…

(spoken)
Ladies and gentlemen don't let me lose the greatest composer any lyricist ever had
Phone him, write him, stop him on the street - you'll recognise him, he's the one going through his chequebook- and tell that man to get back to his piano

(sung)
Very sneaky how it happens
Every day you're on the brink
First the prizes, then the interviews —
Oh, my God, I think it's happened
Stop me quick before I sink
One more triumph that I can't refuse —

(spoken)
In case you didn't notice, this is my first time on TV — and my last

(sung)
No, here's the point, whatever happens —
Then we'll all go have a drink —
That's the guy I love, the fella who's
Inside -
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter

(spoken)
Quick, Jerome, get the president, there's a crazy man on my TV screen… "

(sung)
Inside —
Bzzz! Bzzz! Brrring! —
Inside Franklin Shepard —
Just write him care of any bank, U.S.A. —
Inc