[MRS. LOVETT]
Ooo, a customer!
Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry?
You gave me such a fright
I thought you was a ghost
Half a minute, can't ya sit?
Sit ya down, sit
All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks
Did ya come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague
Ooh, what is that?
But you'd think we'd had the plague
From the way that people keep avoiding
No, you don't
Heaven knows I try, sir
But there's no one comes in even to inhale
Ah, right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you I can hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in London
I know why nobody cares to take them
I should know
I make 'em
But good? No
The worst pies in London
Even that's polite
The worst pies in London
If you doubt it take a bite
Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it
It's nothing but crusting
Here drink this, you'll need it
The worst pies in London
And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it
Never thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a treat findin' poor animals
What are dyin' in the street
Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop
Does her business but I notice something weird
Lately, all her neighbors cats have disappeared
Have to hand it to her
What I calls enterprise
Poppin' pussies into pies
Wouldn't do in my shop
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick
And I'm telling you them pussycats is quick

No denying times is hard, sir
Even harder than the worst pies in London
Only lard and nothing more
Is that just revolting?
All greasy and gritty?
It looks like it's molting
And tastes like... well, pity
A woman alone
With limited wind
And the worst pies in London
Ah, sir
Times is hard
Times is hard