Stephen Sondheim
This Week Americans
[FIORIA]
Last week the Germans—
You can keep the Germans
Always cheap, the Germans
Even on a trip
Sweet, not the Germans
Sweat a lot, the Germans
Full of smiles, the Germans
Don't expect a tip

But this week Americans
Open-armed Americans
"I-am-charmed" Americans
Welcome, welcome, welcome!
I love Americans
The pleasure is mine
Remember, no breakfast after half past nine

Next week the English—
You should see the English
All that tea, the English
Thirsty, I suppose
Good eggs, the English
Rotten legs, the English
All those teeth, the English
Rows and rows and rows
But this week Americans
More than kind Americans
Much maligned Americans
Welcome, welcome, welcome!
I love Americans
And my home is yours
I can’t be responsible, so lock your doors

Then come Parisians—
Full of food, Parisians
Always rude, Parisians
Every one a sneak
Perfumed Parisians
Over-groomed Parisians
Middle-class Parisians
Far more cheek than chic

But this week Americans
Generous Americans
Never fuss Americans
Welcome, welcome, welcome!
Thank you, Americans, for coming to stay
How charming my guests are from the U.S.A.!

No alcoholic Swedes
No double-dealing Russians
No Spaniards with their beads
And their deafening discussions
No narcissistic Greeks
They're worse than the Italians
With overblown physiques
And St. Christopher medallions
No millionaire Brazilians
Who somehow never pay
I much prefer the millions
From the U.S.A.!