[TED, spoken]
Hey, Dino—easy, will you? She's comin' to the phone. 
Hello, Marie? I don't know if you remember me, but we met last week—

[ARTIE, spoken]
If she remembers him, we're sunk. 

[RAY]
He's gonna get the axe from huh
What would ya say to seein' a
Pitcha?

[ARTIE, spoken]
I pass. 

[RAY]
How does the combination of
Johnny Mack Brown and Bessie Love
Hitcha?

[ARTIE, spoken]
Right between the eyes. Well?

[TED, spoken]
She said I have one helluva nerve calling her at seven o'clock on Saturday night. She said naturally she already has a date. 
[DINO]
The moon's like a million-watt electric light—
It shines up the city as it climbs
And I gotta spend another Saturday night
At home with the Sunday Times

[TED]
Moonlight on Flatbush Avenue
That's what I call a lovely view

[DINO]
So what can you do
On a Saturday night—alone?

[RAY]
Who needs a view
On a Saturday night—alone?

[ARTIE]
If it's a Saturday night
And you are single
You sit with a paper and fight
The urge is to mingle

[TED]
And home is a place
Where you gotta go back—alone
[DINO]
Home is a place
Where the future looks black—alone

[RAY]
I like the Sunday Times all right
But not in bed—

[ALL]
Alive and alone on a Saturday night
Is dead

[RAY]
Here's a revival of "Ben-Huh"
Goes on at nine-fifteen at the
Cushman

[ARTIE]
So when I got my mind on sex
Who gives a damn for Francis X
Bushman?

[ALL]
The moon's like an overloaded Moxie sign
It shines at you friendly and bright
I got my buddies and my buddies are fine—
But not on a Saturday night!
[RAY]
Johnny Mack Brown and Bessie Love

[ALL]
Love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love

So what can you do
On a Saturday night—alone?
Who needs a view
On a Saturday night—alone?
If it's a Saturday night
And you are single
You sit with a paper and fight
The urge to mingle
And home is a place
Where you gotta go back—alone
Home is a place
Where the future looks black—alone

Things'd be different any other night instead
But we're on our own
On a Saturday night
With no one to phone
On a Saturday night
And when you're alone
On a Saturday night
You might as well be dead!