[HAPGOOD, spoken]
You're my downfall

[FAY, spoken]
Pourquoi?

[HAPGOOD, spoken]
Pourquoi? You're a woman!

[FAY, spoken]
Nurse

[HAPGOOD, spoken]
You're no nurse

[FAY, spoken]
I am! But I'm a monster as a nurse!
Now, point une! My name is Apple, A-double-P-L-E. Fay Apple, qualified head nurse in charge of forty-nine patients in Dr. Detmold's asylum for the socially pressured!

[HAPGOOD, spoken]
Oh no, not you!

[FAY, spoken]
Now, point deux! There is an urgent matter of duty and responsibility. And I can never shirk either as I am a dedicated woman of science and control. And, in order not to identify my beloved Cookies, I am done up in this outlandish drеss and this ridiculous—

[HAPGOOD, spoken]
Lovely dress, lovely wig
[FAY, spoken]
Lovеly wig? I think if Madame Mayoress and Monsieur Schub think I am from Lourdes, perhaps, I can threaten them into letting my forty-nine Cookies take the miracle waters

[HAPGOOD, spoken]
What happens if they find your Cookies first?

[FAY, spoken]
They won't! I have stolen the records, which are in my handbag, which is in the living room, which is where we better go this minute, or I will never get you to help me!
Ow!

[HAPGOOD, spoken]
I'm just helping you take your things off!

[FAY, spoken]
Not my hair!

[HAPGOOD, spoken]
It's not your hair, it's a wig

[FAY, spoken]
Eight years ago, at the hospital where I was training, they put on a graduation play. I was what I still am: control and order. Everyone thought it would be funny to make me be a French soubrette. This was the dress, this was the accent, and this was wig. I wore it to the party afterwards. A week later, I woke up in a hotel room in Cleveland with an intern. Control and order out the window of that hotel room. I packed that dress, the wig, and the accent, and ever since, wherever I've gone, they've been in a box under my bed

[HAPGOOD, spoken]
A reminder

[FAY, spoken]
Yes. But I keep hoping
[HAPGOOD, spoken]
For what? Heh, a miracle?

[FAY, spoken]
Well—

[HAPGOOD, spoken]
Control and order? Woman of science? You're a fake. You really want your Cookies to take those waters! You'd like to soak in them yourself!

[FAY, spoken]
Alright, yes! I would! I need a miracle

[HAPGOOD, spoken]
Well, there aren't any! Go home to your asylum

[FAY, spoken]
Wait! I'll get drunk

[HAPGOOD, spoken]
Ha! I'll bet you can't

[FAY, spoken]
I can't. I can't be hypnotized, I can't laugh, not really. I can't whistle

[HAPGOOD, spoken]
Nonsense
[FAY, spoken]
No, true! I can't sing at parties, I can't play the piano by ear. When I was little, oh, my, how I wanted to. My gal friend could. Once, I walked into a music store, sat down at a big, shiny, grand piano, and I played. Well, you can take piano lessons, use a metronome, learn control and order, but you can't take lessons in whistling. So, you're a woman of science. Every walk I take, every street, every year, I wait