Stephen Sondheim
The Cookie Chase
[CORA, spoken]
Places, everyone, it's lock-up time!
Synchronize your watches, surround the square
Arrest that crazy lady. No, not Mrs. Schroeder!
She's a fugitive from the Cookie Jar!
I expect every man among you to be on your toes!

(sung)
Lock 'em up, put 'em away in the Jar!
Time to start getting the nets out!
Lock 'em up into the cage, quietly!
No one must know
Cart 'em off into the bin, turn the key!
Quick, before anyone gets out!
Turn the key, throw it away, there we are!
Forty-eight to go!

(spoken)
Detmold?

[DETMOLD, spoken]
Yes, your honor?

[CORA, spoken]
Check in your patients
[DETMOLD, spoken]
Your name, madam?

[COOKIE 1, spoken]
This doesn't fit, it's much too big! I wear a size eleven, maybe a twelve!

[DETMOLD, spoken]
Did you always hate your father?

[CORA, spoken]
Convict her later, arrest her now! There's only one question that needs answering...

(sung)
Are they breathing?
Then they're Cookies
Are they moving?
Then they're Cookies
Are they living?
Then they're Cookies
So get on with it! Quick, get on with it!
Are they human?
Then they're Cookies
So shut up, my dear doctor, and shut her up, too!

Lookie, lookie, here comes Cookie now
Naughty Cookie, playing hooky
That, we don't allow
(spoken)
Cigarette
Light
Thanks
Get 'em
Lock 'em up!

(sung)
You take the key, my love
I'm too exhausted to move
Music, I must have music
A moment's music, or my head will burst!
I know you'll meet the test
You've been well rehearsed
Do your best
Meaning do your worst
Let me rest
And remember, my Schubchen
Women and children first!

[CORA & THE POLICE]
Lock 'em up
Put 'em away
In the Jar
Time to start getting the nets out!
Lock 'em up
Into the cage
Quietly
No one must know
Lock 'em up, put 'em away in the Jar!
Time to start getting the nets out!
Lock 'em up into the cage, quietly!
No one must know
Cart 'em off into the bin, turn the key!
Quick, before anyone gets out!
Turn the key, throw it away, there we are!
Forty-two to go!

[SCHUB, spoken]
Not yet gone back to Lourdes, yet?

[FAY, spoken]
No

[SOPRANO SOLO]
Ah
Ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah
Ah, ah
Ah, ah
Ah
Ah

[FAY]
Fire!
Hurricane!
Everyone off of the streets!
Run for your lives, run for your lives!
The dam has burst!
Run for your lives, run for your lives!
The lion's loose!
Fire, bubonic plague, air raid warning!
Hurry! Run, run, run!

[COOKIES]
Run for your lives, run for your lives!
The dam has burst!
Run for your lives, run for your lives!
The lion's loose!
Fire, bubonic plague, air raid warning!
Hurry! Run, run, run!