Stephen Sondheim
If You Can Find Me, I’m Here
[CHARLES, spoken]
Is it done?
Are they gone?
Am I alone?
I am alone
It's done
They're gone
I am a genius
Charles, you are an unadulterated genius
You are indisputably extraordinary —
What was that?
Not a thing—you're a fool
You are alone
And it begins
Careful, careful
Mustn't get excited
Mustn't overdo it
Softly, tiptoe—
You'll get used to it in no time
Look at it:
Beautiful!
What a place to live
What a place to write!
I shall be inspired
I shall turn out elegies and sonnets
Verses by the ton
At last I have a home
And nobody will know
No one in the world
Nobody will know I'm here
(sung)
I am free
I am free!
Goodbye, my friends, and good riddance
Pardon, while I disappear
Come see me soon in my hideaway—
If you can find me, I'm here
Farewell you bloodsucking landlords
Pouring your threats in my ear
Good luck forever to you and yours
If you can find me, I'm here
And I'll stay
Cozily hiding by day
During the day I'll resign
Waiting till you go away
But at nine
Master of all I survey
Everything gets to be mine
To own
Mine to use
Mine to write all the poems I choose
All alone, only me and my muse
And forty pianos and ten thousand shoes!
Farewell, Neanderthal neighbors
Swilling your pretzels and beer
Fair-weather friends, do you miss me now?
If you can find me, I'm here
Goodbye despoilers of beauty
Ruin another career
When you wake up with one genius less—
If you can find me, I'm here
And I'm free
Free as a bird in a tree
Free as the slippers I wear
(Free with a year's warranty)
Free as air
All of these products and me
All that I ask is a chair
That tilts
Books to read
Light refreshment before I proceed
And a blazer or maybe a tweed
The barest essentials a poet would need
Live in your barbarous jungle
Screaming for ways to get clear
When all the screaming has died away
Come and visit my hideaway
I will be glad to provide a way
If you can find me—
I'm here
I am here
I am here!