Stephen Sondheim
Your Fault
[BAKER, spoken]
It's because of you there's a Giant in our midst, and my wife is dead!
[JACK]
But it isn't my fault
I was given those beans!
You persuaded me to trade away
My cow for beans!
And without those beans
There'd have been no stalk
To get up to the giants
In the first place!
[BAKER]
Wait a minute, magic beans
For a cow so old
That you had to tell
A lie to sell
It, which you told!
Were they worthless beans?
Were they oversold?
Oh, and tell us who
Persuaded you
To steal that gold!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD]
See, it's your fault
[JACK]
No!
[BAKER]
So it's your fault
[JACK, spoken]
No!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD]
Yes, it is!
[JACK]
It's not!
[BAKER]
It's truе
[JACK]
Wait a minute, though—
I only stole the gold
To gеt my cow back
From you!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD]
So it's your fault!
[JACK]
Yes!
[BAKER]
No, it isn't!
I'd have kept those beans
But our house was cursed
She made us get a cow
To get the curse reversed!
[WITCH]
It's his father's fault
That the curse got placed
And the place got cursed
In the first place!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD]
Oh
Then it's his fault!
[WITCH, spoken]
So...
[CINDERELLA]
It was his fault…
[JACK]
No
[BAKER]
Yes, it is
It's his
[CINDERELLA]
I guess…
[JACK]
Wait a minute, though—
I chopped down the beanstalk
Right? That's clear
But without any beanstalk
Then what's queer
Is how did the second giant get down here
In the first place?
Second place…?
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
Yes!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD, spoken]
How?
[BAKER, spoken]
Hmm…
[JACK, spoken]
Well
(sung)
Who had the other bean?
[BAKER]
The other bean?
[CINDERELLA]
The other bean?
[JACK, to BAKER]
You pocketed the other bean
[BAKER]
I didn't!
Yes, I did
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD]
So it's your f—!
[BAKER]
No, it isn't
'Cause I gave it to my wife!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD]
So it's her f—!
[BAKER]
No, it isn't!
[CINDERELLA]
Then whose is it?
[BAKER]
Wait a minute!
She exchanged that bean
To obtain your shoe
So the one who knows what happened
To the bean is you!
[CINDERELLA]
You mean that old bean—
That your wife—? Oh, dear—
But I never knew
And so I threw—
Well, don't look here!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD]
So it's your fault!
[CINDERELLA]
But—
[JACK]
See, it's her fault—!
[CINDERELLA]
But—
[JACK]
And it isn't mine at all!]
[BAKER, spoken]
But what?
[CINDERELLA]
Well, if you hadn't gone
Back up again—
[JACK]
We were needy—
[CINDERELLA]
You were greedy!
Did you need that hen?
[JACK]
But I got it for my mother!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD]
So it's her fault then!
[CINDERELLA]
Yes, and what about the harp
In the third place?
[BAKER, spoken]
The harp—yes!
[JACK]
She went and dared me to!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD]
I dared you to?
[JACK]
You dared me to!
She said that I was scared
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, spoken]
Me?
[JACK]
—to
She dared me!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD]
No, I didn't!
[BAKER, CINDERELLA & JACK]
So it's your fault!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD]
Wait a minute—!
[CINDERELLA]
If you hadn't dared him to—
[BAKER]
And you had left the harp alone
We wouldn't be in trouble
In the first place!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD, overlapping]
Well, if you hadn't thrown away the bean
In the first place—!
It was your fault!
[CINDERELLA]
Well, if she hadn't raised them in the first place—!
[JACK, overlapping]
Yes, if you hadn't raised them in the first place—!
[LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD & BAKER]
Right! It's you who raised them in the first place—!
[CINDERELLA, simultaneously to above]
You raised the beans in the first place!
[JACK]
It's your fault!
[CINDERELLA, JACK, LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD & BAKER]
You're responsible!
You're the one to blame!
It's your fault!
[WITCH, spoken]
Shhhh!