[WOMAN]
Once upon a time—

[MAN]
Once upon a time—

[WOMAN]
There lived a princess—

[MAN]
There lived a knight—

[WOMAN]
Who was exceedingly beloved—

[MAN]
Who was devout—

[WOMAN]
Who had a kingdom—

[MAN]
In a kingdom—

[WOMAN]
Which was perfect—
[MAN]
Which was wretched—

[WOMAN]
Which was carpeted with jewels

[MAN]
Which was under someone's curse

[WOMAN]
She was beset—

[WOMAN & MAN]
On every side—

[MAN]
It was beset—

[WOMAN]
With handsome princes—

[MAN]
With giant trolls—

[WOMAN]
And lesser nobles—
[MAN]
And with dragons—

[WOMAN]
Bearing gifts and begging marriage

[MAN]
Bringing famine

[WOMAN]
She would spurn them—

[MAN]
He would pray—

[WOMAN]
And they would kill themselves in duels

[MAN]
And it constantly got worse
Of course, the knight was much inspired—

[WOMAN]
But the princess soon grew tired—

[MAN]
By the misery at hand
[WOMAN]
Of all the fires she had fanned

[MAN]
And as time went on—

[WOMAN]
As time went on—

[MAN]
He thought—

[WOMAN]
She thought
"I must wed someone—

[MAN]
"I must do something—

[WOMAN & MAN]
To alleviate the sorrow in the land"

[WOMAN]
Now there were three—

[MAN]
There were three—

[WOMAN]
Princes—

[MAN]
Dragons—

[WOMAN & MAN]
In particular, named

[WOMAN]
Virtue—

[MAN]
Falsehood—

[WOMAN]
Kindness—

[MAN]
Greed—

[WOMAN]
And Excellence

[MAN]
And Lust

[WOMAN]
But she could not—

[MAN]
He could not—

[WOMAN]
Choose—

[MAN]
Refuse the call

[WOMAN]
At all

[MAN]
He bade his wife—

[WOMAN]
She bade the three appear

[MAN]
Farewell, for go he must
Then to the west—

[WOMAN]
She got her wizard to suggest—

[MAN]
The knight set off upon his quest

[WOMAN]
A sort of test—

[MAN]
He bore his crest—

[WOMAN]
At her behest

[MAN]
As if possessed

[WOMAN]
The princely suitors did their best—

[MAN]
Nor did he rest

[WOMAN]
And who'd have guessed?

[MAN]
He was obsessed

[WOMAN]
All three were test-
Ed and they passed

[MAN]
He found a priest—

[WOMAN]
She was depressed—

[MAN]
He made a fast
And was confessed

[WOMAN]
To say the least

[MAN]
He never ceased—

[WOMAN]
But she got dressed—

[MAN]
Until at last
He had laid waste—

[WOMAN]
And served a feast
Where she was faced—

[MAN]
And turned to dust—

[WOMAN]
With princes—

[MAN]
The dragons—

[WOMAN]
Virtue—

[MAN]
Falsehood—

[WOMAN]
Kindness—

[MAN]
Greed—

[WOMAN]
And Excellence

[MAN]
And Lust

[WOMAN]
After many years—

[MAN]
After many years—

[WOMAN]
The King, her father—

[MAN]
The noble knight—

[WOMAN]
Who'd been abroad in search of truth—

[MAN]
Who'd lost an arm—

[WOMAN]
Returned to find—

[MAN]
Returned to find—

[WOMAN]
The kingdom wretched—

[MAN]
The kingdom perfect—

[WOMAN]
All activity suspended

[MAN]
All activity resumed

[WOMAN]
To his dismay—

[WOMAN & MAN]
He also found—

[MAN]
In his dismay—

[WOMAN]
His daughter mad—

[MAN]
His wife had died—

[WOMAN]
With indecision

[MAN]
With the waiting

[WOMAN]
She had lapsed into a coma—

[MAN]
And his children—

[WOMAN]
While her suitors—

[MAN]
Left alone—

[WOMAN]
Had grown
Restless and offended

[MAN]
Had been starving and were doomed

[WOMAN]
And so the King, to ease her sorrow—

[MAN]
So the court upon the morrow—

[WOMAN]
Passed a curious decree—

[MAN]
Proclaimed a holiday to be

[WOMAN]
That she could marry all three suitors

[MAN]
And the day was named for him

[WOMAN]
Did she feel guilty?

[MAN]
Did he feel guilty?

[WOMAN]
No!

[MAN]
Oh, yes!

[WOMAN & MAN]
And it was wonderful to see!

[WOMAN]
So she lived—

[MAN]
So he lived—
Not for long—

[WOMAN]
Ever after—

[MAN]
Ever watchful for—

[WOMAN]
With Virtue—

[MAN]
Falsehood—

[WOMAN]
Kindness—

[MAN]
Greed—

[WOMAN]
And Excellence

[MAN]
And Lust

[WOMAN]
That's a tale—

[MAN]
That's a tale—

[WOMAN]
Which was read me
By my father—

[MAN]
Which was read me
By my mother—

[WOMAN & MAN]
And there's
Probably a moral
To be pointedly discussed
But it's always been my favorite
And I read it when I'm gloomy
And though fairy tales are foolish
That's a fairy tale to trust