(Song)
[CROWD]
What a day, what a day
For an auto-da-fé
What a sunny summer sky!
What a day, what a day
For an auto-da-fé
It's a lovely day for drinking
And for watching people fry!

Hurry, hurry, hurry
Watch'em die!
Hurry, hurry, hurry
Hang 'em high!

[BEAR KEEPER]
See the great Russian bear!

[COSMETICS SALESMAN]
Buy a comb for your hair!

[WOMEN]
But the price is much too high!

[DOCTOR]
Here be potions and pills
For your fever and chills
[WOMEN]
But we haven't any money
So there's nothing we can buy

[JUNK MAN]
Any kind of metal
Any kind of metal
Any kind of metal
Bought and sold!

[ALCHEMIST]
Any kind of metal
Any kind of metal
Any kind of metal
Turned to gold!

[JUNK MAN]
Pots and pans
Metal cans
Bought or traded or sold!
Pans and pots
And what-nots!
Trading new ones for old!

[ALCHEMIST]
Pots and pans
Metal cans
I can turn them into gold!
Pans and pots
And what-nots!
For a tiny fee
My alchemy
Can turn them into gold!
[CROWD]
Hurry, hurry, hurry
Come and buy!
Hurry, hurry, hurry
Come and try!
What a fair, what a fair!
Things to buy everywhеre
But the prices arе too high!
It's not fair, it's not fair
Things to buy everywhere;
But we haven't any money
So there's nothing we can buy!

(Spoken)
{PANGLOSS]
But you can't execute me; I'm too sick to die!

[CROWD]
What d'ya mean sick?

(Song)
[PANGLOSS]
Oh my darling Paquette
She is haunting me yet
With a dear souvenir
I shall never forget
'Twas a gift that she got
From a seafaring Scot
He received he believed in Shalott!
In Shalott from his dame
Who was certain it came
With a kiss from a Swiss
(She'd forgotten his name)
But he told her that he
Had been given it free
By a sweet little cheat in Paree
Then a man from Japan
Then a Moor from Iran
Though the Moor isn't sure
How the whole thing began;
But the gift we can see
Had a long pedigree
When at last it was passed on to me!
[CROWD]
Then a man from Japan
Then a Moor from Iran
Though the Moor isn't sure
How the whole thing began;
But the gift we can see
Had a long pedigree
When at last it was passed on to he!

[PANGLOSS]
Love is sweet, love is sweet
And the custom is sound
For it makes the world go 'round

[PANGLOSS AND CANDIDE]
I repeat, love is sweet
And the custom is sound
For as we/I have shown it's love alone
That makes the world go 'round

[PANGLOSS]
Well, the Moor in the end
Spent a night with a friend
And the dear souvenir
Just continued the trend
To a young English lord
Who was stung, they record
By a wasp in a hospital ward!
Well, the wasp on the wing
Had occasion to sting
A Milano soprano
Who brought home the thing
To her young paramour
Who was rendered impure
And forsook her to look for the cure
Thus he happened to pass
Through Westphalia, alas
Where he met with Paquette
And she drank from his glass
I was pleased as could be
When it came back to me;
Makes us all just a small family!

[CROWD]
Oh, he happened to pass
Through Westphalia, alas
Where he met with Paquette
And she drank from his glass
He is pleased as can be
For it shows him that we
One and all are a small family!

[PANGLOSS]
I am pleased as can be
For it shows us that we
One and all are a small family!

[CROWD]
What a day, what a day
For an auto-da-fé
It's a lovely day for drinking
And for watching people fry!
What a day, what a day
Oh, what a day
What a perfect day for hanging!

[GRAND INQUISITOR]
Silence!

[INQUISITORS]
Shall we let the sinners go or try them?

[CROWD]
Try them

[INQUISITORS]
Are the culprits innocent or guilty?

[CROWD]
Guilty

[INQUISITORS]
Shall we pardon them or hang them?

[CROWD]
Hang them
What a lovely day, what a jolly day
What a day for a holiday!
He don't mix meat and dairy
He don't eat humble pie
So sing a miserere
And hang the bastard high!

[INQUISITORS]
Are our methods legal or illegal?

[CROWD]
Legal

[INQUISITORS]
Are we judges of the law or laymen

[CROWD]
Amen

[INQUISITORS]
Shall we hang them or forget them?

[CROWD]
Get them
What a perfect day, what a jolly day
What a day for a holiday!
When foreigners like this come
To criticize and spy
We chant a pax vobiscum
And hang the bastard high!

[GRAND INQUISITOR]
The supreme moment has arrived. All ye faithful - genuflect!

[CROWD AND INQUISITORS]
Oh, pray for us, pray for us!
Fons pietatis, pray for us!
Davidis turris, pray for us!
Rex majestatis, pray for us!

(Spoken)

[PANGLOSS]
Ladies and gentlemen, one final word. God in his wisdom made it possible to invent the rope...aaargh!

(Song)
[CROWD]
What a lovely day what a jolly day
What a day for a holiday!
At last we can be cheery
The danger's passed us by
So sing a Dies Irae
And hang the bastard high!
Oh, what a day!!