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Epic Rap Battles of History

"Zeus vs Thor (DEMO)"


You've never been at war with the likes of Thor before
The oracle shoulda warned you about the blood and gore
Brought forth my raging thunderstorm force
Because I don't get nice, I get Norse! (Norse!)
Valhalla at ya boy and we'll flyte it out
But keep your Asgard up, I Ragnarok the house!
You tongue kissed your sister and consort with gorgons?
Im the thunder down under nailing Natalie Portman!
Who would ever worship someone as abusive as Zeus is?
You're ruthless to humans, im pooching on this God of the Douches
And when we're through with this your Hubris will send you to Hades
So make like your daddy, and swallow my babies

Im the father of the Gods, Barbie, mind your manners!
Odin can't touch this, let alone MC Hammer!
I'll flip more middle fingers at you than a hundred hander
Take your little tool away and you're just a blonde Bruce Banner!
Im Olympic gold standard, on point like a trident
Drop science colder than the frosty balls of your giants!
Poseidon couldn't fathom the depth of your thickness
I bask in the sun and you chose the land of Christmas
"But i have to save the mortals!" Ech, blow me!
I'll be boozing on the ouzo at the beach with Loki!
There's a hundred percent chance in the weather forecast
Of Zeus raining wrath down upon Thor's ass!

Rain old man? This is hardly a drizzle
You couldn't give the women in my homeland the sniffles
You look miserable, old, and fat
And you groped so many mates, you surely have the thunderclap!
It's the swan song for your bullsh*t, with Leda and Europa!
You shape-shifting rapist, keep your di*k inside your toga!
It's over, I'll smash you like an ogre!
Thor's a mighty soldier, you're a poor carbon copy, only older

You call yourself mighty, but you're not to my liking!
So i'll strike this weak viking twice with greased lightning!
This blond sh*t talker is soft as Betty Crocker!
I scarred Harry Potter, gave Ben Franklin the shocker‏!
I am the alpha and the O, mega!
You're Thor skinned di*k cheddar, smegma!
Conquer the cloud-cold Nectar? Never!
Without the Avengers, you would never be remembered!

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

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