[Intro]
RAP BATTLE!
THE COURIER
VS!
THE LONE WANDERER
BEGIN!

[Verse 1: The Lone Wanderer]
Coming with a Power Fist out of Vault 101
I'm the MC of DC, exploding rhymes like Megaton
Before your game even started, you were buried in a ditch
You need my Wasteland Survival Guide just to get to The Strip
My rhymes flow like water, call it Project Purity
Fighting Super Mutants, Raiders, and Vault Security
I'm like Liberty Prime, ready to stomp you dead
This game was rigged from the start, ain't that a kick in the head?

[Verse 2: The Courier]
Just like the Platinum Chip, I'm delivering some rhymes
So hеar the Old World Blues whilst your life's on thе line
Brother, you've got no manhood, I've got steel balls
How sad, your girlfriend had to kick you out of the vault
I'm alone the best survivor, that's why I walk the Lonesome Road
You're a low-intelligence loser who could easily fail the G.O.A.T
Call me the Legion, cause right now I've got no morality
Your dad ran away because he didn't want you in his family
[Verse 3: The Lone Wanderer]
Like war, it seems your stupidity never changes
I don't need Med-X, your raps are already painless
You don't know the danger of this Mysterious Stranger
Watch your paradise fall, I'll eviscerate you like a slaver
Here and now, the world can tell I'm winning this Good Fight
Cause you're about as threatening as a Radroach bug bite
I'm the greatest bringer of destruction since the bombs fell
Go home, Postman Pat, back to your Mojave hell

[Verse 4: The Courier]
I'll cripple your limbs, call it my pain's Ultimate Edition
Shooting disses and I've got infinite ammunition
This Pip-Boy's just a toy trying to mess with the Courier Six
You think I'll fall for your tricks? You must be on a Jet trip
You're not S.P.E.C.I.A.L., now get out or I'll lay you to waste man
These raps you're spitting are as crazy as a Wild Wasteland
My Action Points rock this joint, you're dead when I'm through
It's no wonder your mother died when giving birth to you

[Verse 5: James]
Don't you dare shit-talk my wife and pester my son!
It's him paving his way for all the great things you've done
I hope you're hearing me out West, so I don't need Three Dog to say
I'mma a doc, even as a dog you're just a bitch either way
Don't judge my parenting, I sacrificed everything I could afford
While you ran away so you didn't have to deal with child support
I think it's time I give onto this mailman one final Revelation:
Your life was such a waste, it's beyond Garden of Eden Creation
[Verse 6: The King]
All you phonies should join my School of Impersonation
Because all of you are pretending to be heroes with salvation
Take your kid, Wanderer, and your whore wife Catherine
And take your luggage and get the hell out of my building

[Verse 7: Benny]
Ey, Freeside trash, why don't you just shut your trap already?
And who the hell taught you how to speak about a lady?
The chairmen and I will make sure you never forget this part
One last thing, all your brains were rigged from the start

[Verse 8: Mr. House]
You've pulled the Wild Card, so now you're all gonna pay
It's All or Nothing in this battle of wits, you have no choice but to obey
Your barbaric yawp makes me want to trigger my own death
I was monopolizing on Pre-War tools before you degenerates drew breath
Independence, Benny? You're a traitorous, rancorous swag-ho
You never stood a chance against the ageless father of RobCo
The longtime victor stole this round, you rebels are just has-beens
I've dominated this battle because The House Always Wins

[Verse 9: Eyebot]
It doesn't take my eye to see you're a rip-off of Doctor House
Except you're a shrivelled ghoul in a freezer with no hope of getting out
I'm bringing the House down, he can't already see it's too late
New broadcast in! Your number's up - Unlucky 38
[Verse 10: Primm Slim]
Metro Central Offline: Initializing rhyming subroutines
Intruders enticing verbal crime: eliminate by any means
Eyebot, just stop hostility and look into my gaze
Is it a glitch, a bug, or you've just got the Shakes?

[Verse 11: Mister Handy]
Oh dear, a clunky slow joke of a droid thinks he's the best
Wreck the mic all you like, but who do you think cleans up this mess?
This honourable Brit's fighting this for Queen and Country
If you think I'm pissed off now, just wait until I get Gutsy

[Verse 12: Sentry Bot]
Hostile Targets Acquired: weapons primed and ready
I'm Rocket and Gatling Gun steady, just call me the heavy
This fortress is rolling out, not intimidated by Cowboy Curtis
Handy, your rap emitter could come full force and still not hurt this

[Verse 13: Securitron]
This party's over criminal scum, I'm repping for the house
I've got a sick flow so low, not even Gomorrah would allow
I'm keeping civil peace, the ranger Robocop of my work
The raps you scrap spat could drive even a machine berserk
Infantry Bot, you're a waste of time, I've got an army to deploy
I've hit Mark II and making even you look like a tin toy
No matter the programming, you can't surpass an 88-b
This Securitron raps like a Mesmetron, call me the big MC

[Verse 14: Butch Deloria]
You gonna keep talking? Cause I've got a toothpick for that smile
You're nothing but scrap metal and I think you're in denial
Nothing in the waste phases me, this Vault Dweller's got what it takes
Just surrender, Vegas bitches, and all hail the Tunnel Snakes

[Verse 15: Craig Boone]
Run back underground kid, cause now you've got me seeing red
You won't need a haircut after you have a Jeannie Crawford head
I'll enact revenge on anyone, and this time I'll have no regrets
You city slicks stepped to this Vegas Ranger and you all lost your bets

[Verse 16: Charon the Ghoul]
You killed your own wife, and once this battle's done
You'll have your peace, Craig, at the end of my shotgun
Don't think you can run, this Contract Killer never sleeps
I'll take that beret along with your head and this one's for keeps

[Verse 17: Raul Tejada]
You disgrace our race, this Vaquero will teach you a lesson
I'll repair your mind and you'll see which ghoul that you're messin'
I'll force you back to the Underworld Ninth Circle as you recall
Then I'll beat you and silence you like my name was Ahzrukhal

[Verse 18: Clover]
You're just a rotten Ra-fail-la of a man, that's something you can't fix
And your lyrical talent is just as non-existent as your dick!
I'll Cleave and leave this rotten meat for a dog to come and eat
I'll end you like a slave collar and blow off your head from the heat

[Verse 19: Sharon Cassidy]
The head of Cassidy Caravans, and I won't be Sharon the wealth
This Clover's out of luck and can go fuck herself
You're just a good-for-nothing whore after Eulogy died
You won't pick this Rose cause a country girl can survive

[Verse 20: Dogmeat]
Best watch out for rabies, it's the dog that spits ill
My plasmic rhymes will end you faster than a Silver Rush
Anyone who messes with my master will meet their end my my jaws
Cause I'm the most ferocious thing that walks on 4 paws!

[Verse 21: Rex]
If you believe that, you've clearly never met me, Dogmeat
I'll rip you to pieces then deliver you to the Reds as dog meat
I've seen the rise of 2 centuries, just try to fight back!
You're nothing but a Junkyard rodent, and I HATE rats!

[Verse 22: Fawkes]
Your constant yipping is going to finally set my rage off
You pussies need invincibility to even match this Behemoth
You've just peeved an FEV with the means of your destruction
I'll disassemble this iDog reject, and I won't need any instructions

[Verse 23: Lily Bowen]
Grandma's here to give a present of the explosive variety
To this joke of a brute with VDS anxiety
This Nightkin'll do you in, I don't need to give a reason
And if you ever touch my Jimmy, I'll slice and dice you into pieces!

[Verse 24: Jericho]
I don't have time for this shit, so what say we have a little fun?
I'll take the piss outta you fucks harder than the bomb in Megaton
You're one ugly-ass mutation abomination with no kid to care for
Hear that beeping in your pocket? You're about to go airborne!

[Verse 25: Veronica Santangelo]
All that gun-toting bravado and you know you can't kill this
I'm the protector of the innocent, you're the poor man's Bruce Willis
You're only considered strong if you prey on unarmed pedestrians
And just to add insult to injury, your ass just got kicked by a lesbian!

[Verse 26: Star Paladin Cross]
You've Crossed the wrong woman, and I'm losing my mello
I'll drop the hammer right here and strangle this Santangelo
You're a joke to the cause, Veronica, best to be wary
There's a foul stench on the wind, no longer here shall I tarry

[Verse 27: Arcade Gannon]
I have to give it to you Cross, it's you who reeks of incompetence
All 6 dislike strikes in 1 verse? It's like a 2nd apocalypse!
Mess with me if you want, an onslaught of Enclave remnants
The only thing this cyborg's good for is burned scrap, see the resemblance?

[Verse 28: Sgt RL3]
I'm the Seargent with no margin for losses, so good day!
I'll let no fag like you go and think you can play me, Arcade!
You know I'm the one making it RL, it shouldn't be alarming
God'll sort you all out, another glorious win for the U.S. army!

[Verse 29: ED-E]
It's ED-E, and I'm ready to take you down!
I'm an Eyebot Duraframe Subject E, and I'm from past Hagerstown
I don't give a Fawkes about you Seargent, you barely spit any rhymes
Now it's time to get Whitney to uncreate you all in no time!

[Verse 30: Radroach]
Why are any of you here? You're just the player's pack mule whores!
If I can kill a greaser's mother, then this won't be a chore!
It's been known from the start roaches would survive the nukes
You can kill one of us, but we take the whole Vault with our groups

[Verse 31: Feral Ghoul]
All your brains are about to be fed to the undead
Don't travel underground or we'll rip you to shreds
You'll be reaved when we roam, weak fleshy swine
I've absorbed all I want of this, so it's time to shine

[Verse 32: Cazadore]
Flying by real fast, Cazadores will take over here
You have no chance against me, I'm what all players fear!
I'll buzz off and make a fuss, the reason Hardcore Mode gets hate
Anti-Venom can't help you now, our numbers are too great!

[Verse 33: Deathclaw]
Your pack against mine? Don't even bother to try!
You'll find no sanctuary trying to run from these claws, Bug Eyes
You're just a flying fire ant, don't need mind control to see
Think you're on-par with my Alpha Race? I'm the true Legendary!

[Verse 34: Colonel Autumn]
The last thing I'll have is these beasts entering a man's fight
You've screwed everything Vault Scum, I'll set it right a second time!
Courier, you're no better, I'll send you back to hell as well!
I hope you heard me this last time, I won't be repeating myself

[Verse 35: Caesar]
The Legion's taking this region, I've got soldiers a-plenty
Suck my javelin Colonel, your thoughts aren't worth a Tenpenny!
You just fight for bottled water, I'll be the reason Autumn falls
You'll end up being brainwashed and surrendering, AVE CAESAR!!!

[Verse 36: Vault Boy]
It's Vault Boy, so you best get your thumbs out of your ass
I've got rhymes so strong, you couldn't even down them with V.A.T.S
You're the lousiest Courier in the entire wild west, so go and Cram it
Your flow couldn't be slower if the NCR tried to dam it, goddamnit
Players come for the gory glory, Wanderer, you give them a sap story
Screw a bobblehead, you can stick THIS in your inventory!
From East to West Coast, I'll make sure you all get Black Isle'd
I'll cause heartache by the number when I set both your worlds on fire!

[Outro]
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT RAP BATTLE!...or something