[RENO, spoken]
Billy, where's the old Crocker confidence?
You think he's got one tiny fraction of your brains, your looks!
Your... your...

[RENO]
At words poetic, I'm so pathetic
But I always have found it best
Instead of getting them off my chest
To let them rest, unexpressed

I hate parading my serenading
As I'll probably miss a bar
But if this ditty, is not so pretty
At least it'll tell you how great you are

You're the top, you're the Colosseum
You're the top, you're the Louvre museum
You're a mеlody from a symphony by Strauss
You're Bendel bonnеt, a Shakespeare sonnet
You're Mickey Mouse!

You're the Nile, you're the tower of Pisa
You're the smile on the Mona Lisa
I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop
But if baby I'm the bottom, you're the top
[BILLY, spoken]
Wait a minute!

[BILLY]
Your words poetic, are not pathetic
On the other hand, babe, you shine
And I can feel after every line
A thrill divine, down my spine

Now gifted humans, like Vincent Youmans
Might think that your song is bad
But I've got a notion, I'll second the motion
And this is what I'm going to add

You're the top, you're Mahatma Gandhi
You're the top, you're Napoleon brandy
You're the purple light of a summer night in Spain
You're the National Gallery, you're Garbo's salary
You're cellophane!

You're sublime, you're a turkey dinner
You're the time of the Derby winner
I'm a toy balloon that's fated soon to pop!
But if baby I'm the bottom, you're the top

[RENO, spoken]
Billy, I beg to differ with you
[BILLY, spoken]
How do you mean?

[RENO, BILLY]
You're the top, (yeah?), you're an arrow collar
You're the top, your a Coolidge dollar
You're the nimble tread of the feet of Fred Astaire

You're an O'Neill drama
You're Whistler's mama
You're camembert

You're a rose, you're Inferno's Dante
You're the nose, on the great Durante
I'm just in a way, as the French would say "De trop"
But if baby I'm the bottom, you're the top

[Instrumental]

[BILLY, RENO]
You're the top, you're a dance in Bali
You're the top, you're a hot tamale!
You're an angel, you simply too, too, too "deveen"
You're a Botticelli, you're Keats, you're Shelley
You're Ovaltine
You're a boon, you're the dam in Boulder
You're the moon, over Mae West's shoulder
I'm a nominee of the G.O.P., or GOP!
But if baby I'm the bottom, you're the top

[RENO, BILLY]
You're the top, you're a Waldorf salad
You're the top, you're a Berlin ballad
You're the boats that glide on the sleepy Zuider Zee
You're an old Dutch master, you're Lady Astor!
You're broccoli

You're romance, you're the steps of Russia
You're the pants, yeah yeah yeah, on a Roxy usher
I'm a broken doll, a fol-de-rol, a blop

[TOGETHER]
But if baby I'm the bottom
You're the top