Dave Chappelle
Greenbacks
I like them GREENBACKS. I like them greenbacks, you know what I’m saying? The kind of money people spend. People are very particular about that.

I saw that... there was one of the main stories from the war was... the first big thing we did was they said, “Now that Iraq has been liberated, we have managed to take Saddam Hussein’s face off of the money.” And I’m not going to lie, when that press conference came on, I was like choked up. I was actually *proud* to be an American because that is a very subtle psychological nuance of oppression to have a dictator on your money, and it’s *thoughtful* to be able to take that motherfucker off for the goodwill of *another* person, right?!

But then I thought, "Well, if you could do that for Iraq, what about our money, man? Our money looks like baseball cards with slave owners on them."

George Washington’s the worst of the worst.
...Yes, I SAID IT. We mythologize this motherfucker like he was 'the greatest dude', man.

If I went back in time with a white person and we saw George Washington walking in front of our time machine, my white friend would probably be like --

“Oh! My God, Dave, look, there’s George Washington. He’s the father of this great nation. I’m going to go shake his hand.”

-- I’d be on the other side like --

“RUN, N***A! GEORGE WASHINGTON!!”

-- AND WE'D BOTH BE RIGHT. You like him because he wrote the Declaration of Independence and all that shit.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident. All men are created equal... Go get me a sandwich, Nigger, or I’ll kill you! ...Liberty, justice for all.”

Am I wrong? Am I wrong? Wait a minute, did he not own slaves, didn’t he own slaves? That’s all I’m saying.