[Intro: Nathan Kress]
In five, four, three, two...

[Verse 1: NickDominates]
Just got home from the abortion clinic!
Come on, gays!
Let's sing!
Sure, not-fake Ariana Grande
Okay, the real Ariana Grande
Dead baby...
I got one less problem without ya
I got one less problem without ya
I got one less, one less problem

[Verse 2: NickDominates]
Wow, school is so cuckoo-crazy right now!
Who the fuck are you?!
Are you my guardian angel?
No...
I’m your guardian tampon!
Oh no...
And I'm so...
Into you, into you, into you
Get it?
Because I'm in your vagina, sucking up your period blood?
Okay...

[Verse 3: NickDominates, ???????????????????????? ???????????????????????? (Background Vocals)]
My clam hole is so dry...
There’s no safe water on this island...
My stink hole sucked up all my hydration...
Ain't got no tears left to cry
My pussy hole stinks
I'm not even gonna lie