[episode opens with SpongeBob and Patrick playing in Squidward's yard and annoying Squidward]
Squidward: Stop playing... IN MY YARD!!!
SpongeBob: Oh, we're not playing in your yard, Squidward, we're playing in our yards. We're just using your yard as a walkway.
Patrick: No offence, but your yard gargles tartar sauce.
Squidward: Well, pick one, and leave my yard out of it!!
Patrick: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I'm good at choosing! Hmmmm... let's play innnn... SpongeBob's yard! No! Patrick's! Errrr... SpongeBob! [sobs] I'm terrible at choosing! Squidward! You choose!
Squidward: I choose Patrick... [carries Patrick to his yard] to play in Patrick's yard... [carries SpongeBob to his yard] and SpongeBob in SpongeBob's yard. And nobody... [draws a rectangle around his house] IN HERE!! [leaves]
Patrick: SpongeBob! [attempts to run around]
SpongeBob: Patrick! [does the same over and over]
Patrick: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick! [reaches road. He gasps] The road! [attempts to cross road but there's too much traffic] Patrick! What are we gonna do?
Patrick: I'll mail myself to your house! [climbs in the mailbox, mailbox tips over and explodes]
SpongeBob: Sit tight, Patrick! I'm coming to get you! [ties his hands around the mailbox and flings himself to Patrick] Nooo!!
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick. [flings back to his house] Patrick! Call me!
Patrick: Okay! [both go back to their houses and Patrick calls]
SpongeBob: [phone rings] SquarePants residence.
Patrick: What are we gonna do?!
SpongeBob: Hmmmm... have we ever dug a tunnel between our two houses?
Patrick: No. [both put on digging gear and start digging tunnels underground, the tunnel says: "Eat at the Krusty Krab." Patrick sticks his head through a hole and reaches SpongeBob] SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Patrick?
Both: We did it!
SpongeBob: Tag! You're it! [Patrick runs through the hole. They both start playing tag]
Patrick: Tag!You're it!
SpongeBob: Tag! YOU'RE IT!
Patrick: Tag! YOU'RE IT!!
Squidward: [sleeping on his couch]
SpongeBob: Peek-a-boo! I see you!
Patrick: [laughs]
Squidward: [fluffs pillow and falls back asleep]
SpongeBob: You're it!
Patrick: You're it! [both laugh]
Squidward: [rips pillow with his head and gets some Jello] Must... block... out... noise! [puts jello on his head and sits down]
Patrick: Knock, knock!
SpongeBob: Who's there?
Patrick: I don't know! [both laugh]
Squidward: [jello melts off head. He goes outside] I thought I told you two to stay off my... [the yard is empty] yard. [hears a laugh coming from Patrick's rock] Patrick! [opens the rock] Patrick, would you shut...? [finds the rock empty] Where is he? [hears a laugh from SpongeBob's house] SpongeBob. [opens door] SpongeBob! [hears another laugh] SpongeBob, I am trying to... [opens the kitchen door] sleep? [hears another laugh. Heads upstairs. He opens the bathroom door. He opens SpongeBob's bedroom door. He opens the roof door] AHA! [sees Gary] Hey, Gary.
Gary: Meow.
Squidward: Where are those two morons? [flowers giggle and uproots them. hears more laughter and becomes scared out of his wits. stomps on the ground] WHERE ARE THEY?!
SpongeBob: [laughing] Ohh.. Patrick, check out these roots!
Patrick: They're dancing!
SpongeBob: Do like the roots do, and do the Dirt Dance Davey! [does a dance that causes the ground to shake, Squidward's house sinks]
Patrick: Squidward's house wants to play too!
Squidward: My house! [climbs through the roof hatch and out the door]
SpongeBob: Awww. Squidward's house looks like it has an upset tummy.
Patrick: Must've been something it ate. [Squidward comes out door]
SpongeBob: It ate Squidward!
Patrick: [mumbles] That'll do it
Squidwatd: [Sigh] I knew you two reprobates were behind this.
SpongeBob: Yeah! We're reprobates!
Squidward: That was an insult.
Patrick: And we're insulted!
Squidward: Why were you digging under my yard?
SpongeBob: You told us not to walk on your yard, so, we walked under it.
Squidward: But you buried my house!
Patrick: No need to thank us.
Squidward: THANK YOU?!?
Patrick: You're welcome.
Squidward: AHHHHHH!!! [attempts to get Patrick but runs away]
Patrick: Missed.
SpongeBob: Somebody wants to play Tag!
Patrick: Tag! You're it! [runs]
SpongeBob: Not it!
Squidward: RRRRRRRR!!!!! [chases them]
Patrick: Wheeeeeeee!
SpongeBob: [Squidward grabs them and drags them back] Squidward wins!
Squidward: Now, you're gonna play a new game called, "Digging Out my House!"
SpongeBob: Oh boy! [SpongeBob and Patrick grab some gear]
Squidward: And I'm gonna play "Sit and Relax" until you're finished. [closes door] Barnacle Brains. [sits down. Patrick breaks window and throws dirt. SpongeBob knocks on the roof and it collapses and blocks Squidward's door] SpongeBob! [opens the door]
SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward [dirt comes rushing through the house and the window]
Squidward: RRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
SpongeBob: Yuh oh!
Squidward: I'm warning you: If you don't put my house back where it belongs by the count of th-ree- [raises hand but only raises two so he uses his nose] Three. I am going to grind you into Chum! One!
Patrick: AHHHH! HE'S COUNTING, ANYTHING BUT COUNTING! Quick, SpongeBob! Dig for your life!
Squidward: Twwwwwwwwwooooooo!
Patrick: He's already at Number Two! Who knows how many numbers we have until he reaches three?
Squidward: Th-ree!!
Patrick: [Gasp. SpongeBob and Patrick start digging very fast while Squidward is chasing them.. Many buildings above ground collapse because of the digging. Scene cuts to the Krusty Krab being sunk]
Plankton: Yes! Now the Chum Bucket is the only resturant in town! [the Chum Bucket sinks underground] Nuts.
SpongeBob: [Scene cuts to the chase. SpongeBob and Patrick are stopped because of a rock in the way] Must Dig! Ohhh! The rock's too hard! [Squidward comes towards them as they scream]
Squidward: [Gasping and breathing] Youuu....Twoo....Morons....SUNK MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!
SpongeBob & Patrick: We're sorry!
Squidward: I'M GONNA- [rumble noise] Uh, oh. [the ground shakes and whole city falls underground]
SpongeBob: [cuts to next day] Ahhhh. [Whole town digging] Good Morning Squidward! Another Beautiful Day under Bikini Bottom!
Squidward: [picks up gear] I hate neighbors.

SpongeBob: [At SpongeBob's House chopping a smaller pineapple in half] HIYA!! HIYA!! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! Ta-daa! A gift, in your likeness. [hands Gary the pineapple which looks like him]
Gary: Meow!
SpongeBob: Cause you're so sweet...Get it?! Cause pineapples are sweet, and you are sweet also as well. Get it?! [laughs, Gary leaves, SpongeBob continues laughing until a fly from the gift flies into his mouth, SpongeBob chokes]
Patrick: Hey buddy. You still got that bucket of cheese? [realizes Spongebob's choking] Oh no! He's... not right! Don't worry, pal! I'll help you! [Patrick punches SpongeBob and the fly comes out]
Patrick: Buddy! You okay?
SpongeBob: Ahhh. Patrick, Thank you so much! If it weren't for your tremendous gorilla strength, I would've been a goner! If there's anything I can do to return the favor, anything at all....you just let me know. Anyway, back to my Karate exercises. [gets a watermelon] Oh, and help yourself to the cheese bucket. Thanks again buddy. HIYA! [chops the watermelon]
Patrick: [gets the cheese bucket and eats some] [SpongeBob continues chopping items] Hey! I want to learn how to do that. [points to chopped up bread]
SpongeBob: What, what you mean karate?!
Patrick: Uhhuh!
SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick...my dear, dear friend. Karate is a delicate art, a skill that takes years to...
Patrick: If I recall correctly, I seem to remember saving your life a few minutes ago.
SpongeBob: Yeah...However...
Patrick: I also remember you saying, "If there's anything you can do to return the favor, anything at all...to let you know.
SpongeBob: Well I did say that Patrick but, well, karate is about finesse, not so much brute strength. You see, there's so much you don't know. You have not even scratched the surface of the surface. [Patrick runs over]
Patrick: Then teach me.
SpongeBob: As you wish, just remember one thing. With power, comes responsibility.
Patrick: Oh yeah Mama! [cuts to training]
SpongeBob: Okay. Lets start off simple. This is a basic move called "the inverted whirlpool".
Patrick: Inverty whirpey... Got it! [SpongeBob lays on head and twists feet, he starts moving and blasts through the objects]
Patrick: Woohoo! That was awesome!!
SpongeBob: Think you can handle that?
Patrick: Yeah! Yeah! [does the same thing as SpongeBob] Ha Ha Ha Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah! [continues laughing] Hey, how do you stop this thing? [heads towards lemonade stand]
Harold: Neptune's trousers! What's that?! [screams and runs away. Patrick destroys lemonade stand; cuts to next stage of training]
SpongeBob: Now this is very easy, watch closely. [Does a move] Haa-haah. You got it?
Patrick: Definitely! [Patrick does the same but spins out of control, SpongeBob stops him and he falls]
SpongeBob: Patrick, I didn't want to have to say this...but you're...you're unteachable. [walks away]
Patrick: What?!? I...! [gets mad and chops through cinder blocks] Barnacles!
SpongeBob: [looks in amazement] Look what you did to this wall of cinder blocks. In all my years of training, I've never seen a perfect slice. No ones ever been able to execute such a clean karate chop through a wall of cinder!
Patrick: Wow!
Spongebob: You're a natural! A karate genius!
Patrick: Clamo!
SpongeBob: [holds a sword] Now let's put your new skills to the test. This is sharpened, tempered steel. Now don't be frustrated if it takes a few tries. [Patrick cuts it in half]. Wow. Amazing! [cuts to an old abandoned ship]
SpongeBob: This is an abandoned, broad-ironed steamboat, solid as a rock. Think you got what it takes? [Patrick misses]
SpongeBob: Ahhh...better luck next time. [the boat breaks]
Patrick: Yeah! I bet I can chop anything! [goes over to Sadie and Baby Rechid]
Sadie: AAAAAHHHH!
Patrick: HIIIII-
SpongeBob: [stops Patrick] Noooooo!! What did I tell you?!
Patrick: I'm a genius?!
SpongeBob: Not that! [pulls out a tape recorder] ...this. [SpongeBob's voice on recorder]: With power...comes responsibility. That means no chopping of any life from or their property. You understand?
Patrick: Yesss...
SpongeBob: Good! [his watch beeps] Oh man, I'm late for work. [runs] See you later, buddy. Don't forget what I said.
Patrick: Okay! I'm a genius! [cuts to Patrick's rock]
Patrick: [chops hot dogs] Karate power! [eats part of the hot dog, cuts to Patrick at the Krusty Krab]
Squidward: [looking at magazine] What's this? Hhmmm...haven't seen this before.
SpongeBob: Hey, look, it's Patrick!
Patrick: Hi-yah SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: What are you doing...[Patrick chops the door]
SpongeBob: Dear Neptune!
Patrick: Good day, gents! Ahhh, Squidward, I would like a HIYAAA!
Squidward: A....What?
Patrick: I said one Krusty Combo. Don't you speak karate?
Squidward: [sighs]
Patrick: [chops the meal in half] Looks delis.
SpongeBob: Patrick, don't you think you're taking your perfect slice too far?
Patrick: I don't know what you're talking about. Your the one who called me a karate genius. And, frankly, I'm offended by your previous accusation. I don't need this! I beg you good due.
SpongeBob: But, but, but-
Patrick: No buts! just hands. [chops door again]
SpongeBob: Oooohhh!
Mr. Krabs: You do realize I'm taking that out of your pay check.
[cuts to Patrick at the ice cream shop]
Patrick: Aaaaahhhhh....Seaweed Surprise! Also, auaaaahhhhh....Malted Coral Crunch! [ice cream is really tall] Oooh... Ooh, also, Lipids and Creme!
Ice Cream Man #1: Were all out. In fact, were out of everything, which means you owe us $86.50
Patrick: What do you say to a trade? [pulls out a disgusting lollipop]
Ice Cream Man #1: I say, pay up before I call the cops.
Patrick: You dare refuse my barter?!?! Than accept my chop! [chops tip jar and ice cream flies into Patrick's mouth, he eats it and becomes fat. He becomes frozen and chops out of the ice] Ahhh...I don't feel so good.
Ice Cream Man #2: Aha! Hand in the tip jar again, eh! [Patrick is stuck in door and chops it open]
Patrick: [sniffs] What is that wonderful stench? [walks to Harold Fish] Whatcha got there?
Harold: Spinach and chocolate spaghetti in calamari sauce. You wanna bite?
Patrick: [chops the food] NO! It's more fun to chop! Hahahahahahaha! [cuts to Bikini Bottom Arcade, Patrick chops a game]
Patrick: I win, I win, I win! [cuts to Krusty Krab]
Patrick: HIYAA HIYAA-
Lifeguard fish: Help! Help! There's a mad chopper on the loose!
SpongeBob: Mad chopper! Patrick!
Lifeguard fish: We need the cops, kid!
SpongeBob: Cops? No, that wont be necessary. I'll handle this, citizen.
Lifeguard fish: Don't do it kid. [grabs his ankle]
SpongeBob: Unhand my ankle, sir, my friend needs me.
Lifeguard fish: You don't know what you're doing. Don't walk out that door! NOOOOO!!! [SpongeBob on unicycle, Patrick chops a car]
SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?
Patrick: SpongeBob, just the man I was looking for. I wanted to thank you, buddy. [chops his unicycle]
SpongeBob: For what?
Patrick: For teaching me how to karate chop, silly.
SpongeBob: You gotta stop, buddy, you're destroying the entire town.
Patrick: [looks at the destruction] Wooooooooooo.
SpongeBob: Just stop chopping, okay, Patrick?
Patrick: You got it, buddy. No more karate chops! [chops a jail truck]
SpongeBob: You're still chopping!
Patrick: I know! Weird, huh?
SpongeBob: Patrick, stop it!
Patrick: Oh. Okay. I know, I'll stop a chop, with a chop.
SpongeBob: You must resist! [flings SpongeBob on a fire hydrant] AHHHHHAAHH! [Patrick's hand pulls him away and his hand chops Squidward's bush]
SpongeBob: Wait up, Patrick! [gasps] Triton's tunic!!!!
Fish: He's headed straight for the Barg'N Mart!
All: AHHHHHHHHH!
Patrick: HIYA YA! Not the muffin display....YAAAAH!
News Reporter: This just in, a mad man is chopping everything.
Patrick: Not the giant-screen TVs... Oh no!
News Reporter: The suspect is considered fat, pink, and dangerous.
Patrick: Noooo! Gianter TVs! HIYAAA! [falls]
SpongeBob: Pull it together, buddy!
Patrick: I'm trying to but this thing has a mind of its owwnnnnn....[punches SpongeBob, SpongeBob hits a rack] YAAAAAA! [he chops the cashier's desk]
All: AAAHHAAAAHHH!
Patrick: YA YA HIYA AYA! [Barg'N Mart falls down] SpongeBob! SpongeBob? SpongeBob!! SpongeBob! SpongeBob!!! Oh no, I'm so sorry, my best friend, crushed by all this rubble and tombed in this cheap, plastic bag. [cries]
Dennis: That isn't your friend, you kelpfer brain, those are cleaning sponges.
Patrick: So I haven't crushed the life of my best friend in the world?
Dennis: Ummmm...I wouldn't say that.
Patrick: [sees a pile of rubble] SpongeBob!!! Oh no! [pushes rubble off and gasps] Ohhh, I'll never forgive myself [cries] No! I'll never forgive you! [points to hand, pulls hand off]
SpongeBob: [wakes up] Oh, hi, Patrick. What did I miss?
Patrick: SpongeBob, you're okay!
SpongeBob: Patrick! Your arm!
Patrick: Ha! Don't worry, SpongeBob, I'm a sea star. My limbs grow back. See?
SpongeBob: Hooray for regeneration!
Patrick: And in the spirit of healing, I vow to use my hands only to join things together, starting here! [rebuilds the Barg'N Mart]
SpongeBob: Hey, great job, Patrick! I like the unnatural details.
Patrick #2: HIYAAA!
SpongeBob: Patrick! I thought you gave up chopping!
Patrick #1: Oh I did. Unfortunately, we sea stars have limbs that grow new bodies.
Patrick #2: HIYYAA! [Barg'N Mart falls down]