Establishing shot: The Krusty Krab at sunset

SQUIDWARD: Hurry up with those chairs, SpongeBob! It's after closing, and I'd like to go home!

We're now inside, where SpongeBob is ignoring Squidward and continues to clean the table when the phone suddenly rings.

SPONGEBOB: I got it! I got it! Coming!

SpongeBob runs and jumps to grab the phone. He freezes mid-air as Squidward grabs it instead.

SQUIDWARD: Hello?

SpongeBob falls on the floor and shouts in pain.

Sorry, sir, we're closed. M—

Mr. Krabs snatches the phone from off-screen.

MR. KRABS: Ahoy, there! Krusty Krab, how can I help you?

A customer indistinctly chatters on the phonе.

Pizza? *Mr. Krab's eyes form dollar signs, cash registеr sound* Mmm, of course we have pizza!

SQUIDWARD: Uhh, Mr Krabs!
MR KRABS: *over Squidward* Our delivery squid will bring it right over!

Mr. Krabs hangs up the phone.

SQUIDWARD: Mr. Krabs; we don't serve pizza!

Mr. Krabs pulls a plate of steaming hot Krabby Patties from off-screen, and rapid punches them, miraculously forming a pepperoni and mushroom pizza. He then twirls his hands to reveal a pizza box that now holds the pizza.

We don't deliver.

MR. KRABS:We don't deliver, but you do!

Mr. Krabs shoves the pizza into a confused Squidward's arms before happily walking away. Squidward quickly follows behind him.

SQUIDWARD: Can't you just get SpongeBob to do it?
MR. KRABS: Great idea! Take him with ya.

SpongeBob slowly slides into frame next to Squidward with a slide whistle sound effect. Mr. Krabs continues to walk away.

SQUIDWARD: *yelling to Mr. Krabs* That's not what I had in mind!

Screen wipe: Krusty Krab exterior, the inside lights are now turned off. Squidward is waiting in the boat while SpongeBob inspects it.

SPONGEBOB: Front end, check. Antenna... *flick, vibrating sound* check.

SpongeBob moves to the back of the boat.
Bumper, check.

Bumper... sticker. Check.

SpongeBob removes a tire's valve cap and puts his mouth on it. He swells up like a balloon and is now the size of a house.

*squeaky* Tire pressure! *buzzing, blowing air in Squidward's face*

*normal* Check.

SpongeBob jumps into the driver's seat of the boat.

Vehicle inspection complete! We're really making history here, Squidward! That lucky customer is gonna get the first Krabby Patty Pizza ever!

SQUIDWARD: Good. Then you drive.
SPONGEBOB: I can't. I'm still in boating school.
SQUIDWARD: C'mon, SpongeBob. It's just around the corner!
SPONGEBOB: Well, yeah, but—
SQUIDWARD: Just, do whatcha do in school!
SPONGEBOB: Well, okay. *sweating*

SpongeBob fidgets with his hands. A look of realization lights up his face as he reaches for the steering wheel. He suddenly pulls back, confused again.

No, wait. Don't tell me. *itching head*

SQUIDWARD: *opens one eye and looks over* Back it up.
SPONGEBOB: Huh?
SQUIDWARD: *irritated* Back it up.
SPONGEBOB: Right, "back it up."
SpongeBob tries to move the gear shift forward, resulting in a loud grinding sound. He groans in distress and touches his face.

SQUIDWARD: Back it up!
SPONGEBOB: Okay! Okay!
SQUIDWARD: Shift into reverse, SpongeBob!
SQUIDWARD: *quietly* Reverse. *normal* Oh, yeah! Reverse! Huh?!

We see SpongeBob's point-of-view. The gear shift has the words "FORWARD" and "REVERSE" printed on the dashboard. The words change into Korean. SpongeBob anxiously reaches for the gear shift.

SQUIDWARD: *yelling* Back it up!
SPONGEBOB: *yelling* Back it uuup!

SpongeBob slams the gear into reverse and slams on the gas. The boat lifts off its rear end before launching backwards down the road.

Back it uuup!
SQUIDWARD: Gimme the wheel, SpongeBob! Give me the wheel!
SPONGEBOB: Backing up! Backing up!

The road beneath them suddenly changes into a pathway covered in bumpy stones.

*shakily* Baaaackiiing uuuup!

The boat hits a boulder and launches into the air. SpongeBob and Squidward scream as the boat spins out of control down the street. The screen fades into day, and the boat is still rolling down the road.

Backing up. Backing up. Backing up. Backing up.

The boat sputters as the car slowly rolls to a stop.

Backing up.

SQUIDWARD: Well... you backed up. And ya know what? I think we're outta gas!

The fuel gauge on the boat is pointed to "E." Squidward hops over the side of the boat.

And ya know what else? We're in the middle of nowhere! *echoes*

SPONGEBOB: And ya know what else else? I think the pizza's getting cold.

Squidward's face transforms from a look of defeat to shock.

SQUIDWARD: *sarcastically* Aaand the pizza's cold!? Ohh, the pizza's cold! Not the pizza! Ohh, how could it get any worse?!

In frustration, Squidward kicks the boat. The fuel gauge suddenly goes from "E" to "F" and the boat takes off down the road.

SPONGEBOB: Well... we can still deliver it on foot.

The screen wipes to a high-angle shot of SpongeBob and Squidward walking along the side of a long windy road in the middle of the desert. Squidward is rhythmically saying "ow" with each step.

SPONGEBOB: ♪ The Krusty Krab Pizza... is the pizza... for you and me! The Krusty Krab Pizza... is the pizza— ♪
SQUIDWARD: *weakly* ♪ And my feet are killing me... ♪ Woah! Unf!

Squidward trips and falls down. The camera cuts to reveal SpongeBob laying with his ear to the ground behind him.

SpongeBob! What are you doing?!

SPONGEBOB: *rubbing the ground* It's an old pioneer trick. I saw it in a movie once.
SQUIDWARD: SpongeBob, this is no time for—
SPONGEBOB: *shushing* It's working!

The faint sound of an engine can be heard off-screen.

SQUIDWARD: What is it?
SPONGEBOB: Truck! Sixteen wheels!

A steamship can be seen peeking over a hill in the distance.

Now, I can show you how the pioneers hitch-hiked!

SpongeBob hands the pizza to Squidward. He walks off-screen towards the road. When the screen changes, he suddenly has a ten-gallon cowboy hat on his head. He begins to dance and yodel in a pioneer fashion. Squidward beats his leg with a spoon as if drumming.

TRUCK DRIVER: Crashin', frashin' breakdancer! *honks horn*
SQUIDWARD: He's stopping. He's stopping!

The trucker refuses to slow down. SpongeBob continues to dance in the road. Squidward dives to push SpongeBob out of the way just before the trucker would crash into him. The dust settles to reveal the two covered in sand.

The scene cuts to them walking through a sandstorm.

SPONGEBOB: ♪ The Krusty Krab Pizza... is the pizza... for you and me! The Krusty Krab Pizza... is the pizza... free delivery! ♪

Squidward's nose blows up into his face. After swiping it out of the way twice, he gets irritated and tucks it into his mouth.

♪ The Krusty Krab Pizza... is the pizza, very ta-asty! ♪

SpongeBob starts to blow away and hollers. He continues to hold onto the pizza as he is dragged by the box through the air.

SQUIDWARD: Will you let go of that stupid pizza already?!
SPONGEBOB: I can't! It's for the customer!
SQUIDWARD: Who cares about the customer?!
SPONGEBOB: I do!
SQUIDWARD: Well, I don't!

The wind suddenly stops, SpongeBob frozen in place.

SPONGEBOB: *gasps* Squidward!

The wind starts again and continues to pull SpongeBob.

SQUIDWARD: Let go of that pizza!
SPONGEBOB: No!

SpongeBob flies directly towards Squidward's stomach, knocking him over. He then turns around and kicks Squidward in the head with both feet. Squidward grabs onto SpongeBob's legs as they're both dragged. Dramatic music begins to play.

SQUIDWARD: Ow. Spongebob! Let go of the pizza!
SPONGEBOB: No; it's for the customer!
SQUIDWARD: SpongeBob! Huh?!

Squidward notices a tornado in his peripheral vision. He and SpongeBob are sliding directly towards it.

*yelling* Let go of the pizza!
SPONGEBOB: Noo!

They fly into the bottom of the twister. The music starts to swell.

SQUIDWARD: SpongeBob! *looks down to see ground is getting farther away* Who-o-oa! *screaming* Hang on to the pizza!

The tornado comically closes its "mouth" and spits SpongeBob and Squidward out. The two scream as they fall towards the ground. SpongeBob is slowed by the pizza, popping out of the box like a parachute as an angelic harp strums in the background. Squidward hits the ground with a thud.

Unf! *long pause* Hey... W-w-where's the road?

Squidward looks around to see they've landed in a desolate area of the desert.

Where's the road?! We're doomed! Ooh! Oh, how are we gonna get home? Which way do we go? What are we gonna do now? There's no road here!

SpongeBob finally lands on the ground as Squidward continues to run frantically. The pizza lands neatly and SpongeBob closes the box. SpongeBob looks at a small stone with moss on one side.

SPONGEBOB: I think town's this way! *points east*
SQUIDWARD: Oh, don't tell me, "Jethro." The pioneers?
SPONGEBOB: That's right. Moss always points to civilization. *points to rock*
SQUIDWARD: *points east* That way? That way there?

Spongebob nods his head, making a sound similar to a squeaky toy.

So, let me get this straight. You think that we should go... that way?

SPONGEBOB: Yup.
SQUIDWARD: Well, then I'm goin' this way.
SPONGEBOB: Squid! Wait! I don't think—
SQUIDWARD: Trust me! I know where I'm going.

The camera pans up to reveal the city of Bikini Bottom over the hill in the opposite direction with signs flashing and traffic boats honking at one another.

SPONGEBOB: The Krusty Krab Pizza... is the pizza, absolutivily! *imitating percussion* Pizza! *imitating drums* Pizza! Ba-dah!

SpongeBob continues to beatbox whilst shaking his butt towards Squidward. His butt makes a sound similar to sheet metal bending.

*raspy* ♪ Krusty Kray-yay-yeah, yay-yeah, yeah, yeah, pizza... is the... pizza, yea-ah, for you and... *high-pitched* me-e-e-e-e-e! ♪

Cut to SpongeBob and Squidward exhausted, dragging their feet across the sand and limping slowly. Most of their body parts droop in an exaggerated fashion.

*weakly* Krab... pizza... for... you... Krus... Krusty, and the... Krab, and the... pizza, and the 'zza...

Cut to the two collapsed on the ground, literally baking in the sun. Squidward peels him self off the ground and looks to SpongeBob.

SQUIDWARD: Sponge... we've... gotta eat something!
SPONGEBOB: *voice cracking* I heard in times of hardship, the pioneers would eat coral.

Squidward takes the large chunk of coral and aggressively chomps the whole thing, attempting to chew the rock-like "food."

SPONGEBOB: No, maybe it wasn't coral... Maybe it was sand. No, no, mud.

Squidward spits out the coral in disgust.

SQUIDWARD: *angrily* Give me the pizza!
SPONGEBOB: Wait! I remember now! It was coral!
SQUIDWARD: Give it to me!
SPONGEBOB: No! We promised it's for the customer!

The music shifts down-tempo from dramatic to smooth jazz.

SQUIDWARD: *calmly* You're right. It's for the customer.
SPONGEBOB: *confused* Yeah...
SQUIDWARD: Maybe we better *wink* check on it; make sure it's okay.
SPONGEBOB: Well...
SQUIDWARD: Just a peek!

SpongeBob slightly opens the box and the two peak inside. SpongeBob quickly snaps it shut.

SPONGEBOB: Okay; it's fine!
SQUIDWARD: *gasps* No! I think I saw something!

SpongeBob lowers the box and Squidward opens it. The pizza is sparkling in a cartoon fashion.

Oh... Nope! I was wrooong. It's okay.

SpongeBob and Squidward are looking down at the pizza with the smiles on their faces illuminated by the soft glow coming from the box.

*seductively* Sure is a fine-lookin' pizza.
SPONGEBOB: *softly* Yeah.
SQUIDWARD: *points to box* What's that; is that the cheeese?
SPONGEBOB: Yeah.
SQUIDWARD: And the pepperoooni?
SPONGEBOB: Yeah. *licks his lips*
SQUIDWARD: Oh, looks good, huh?
SPONGEBOB: Waaait a second! I know what you're trying to do, Squidward! I'm not letting you eat the pizza!
SQUIDWARD: *angrily* Gimme that pizza!
SPONGEBOB: No!
SQUIDWARD: Don't make me take it away from you, SpongeBob!
SPONGEBOB: Get away!

SpongeBob darts off with the pizza. Squidward starts to chase him. Ukulele chase music starts to play.

SQUIDWARD: Get back here, SpongeBob! Gimme that pizza!
SPONGEBOB: No!
SQUIDWARD: SpongeBooob!
SPONGEBOB: Nooo!
SQUIDWARD: SpongeBooob!
SPONGEBOB: Nooo!

Squidward stops running and hunches over to catch his breath, clutching his knees and mumbling to himself. SpongeBob is still running.

SQUIDWARD: *exhausted* Wait!
SPONGEBOB: No! No! *crashes into Squidward and falls*
SQUIDWARD: *maniacally* I want that pizza, and you're gonna hand it over... one way or another!
SPONGEBOB: *points off screen* Look, we're saved!
SQUIDWARD: Sure, "we're saved," *yelling* now gimme some pizza!
SPONGEBOB: No, really, Squid! *hopping up and down* We're saved! We're saved! We're saved! We're saved! We're sa-a-aved!
SQUIDWARD: Will you cut that out?
SPONGEBOB: *to conga* ♪ Saved, saved! Saved, saved! Saved-saved, saved-saved, saved-saved-saved-saved-saved, saved! Saved-saved-saved-saved-saved, saved! Saved-saved-saved-saved-saved, saved! Yeah, we are saved! ♪
SQUIDWARD: That's just a stupid boulder!
SPONGEBOB: It's not just a boulder! *sniffles, voice breaking* It's a rock! *sobbing* A ro-o-ock! A ro-o-o-o-o-ock! *grunting, climbing boulder* It's a big, beautiful, old... rock! Oh, the pioneers used to ride these babies for miles! And it's in great shape.
SQUIDWARD: SpongeBooob! Will you forget... the stupid pioneers! Have you ever noticed that there are none of them left?! That's because they were lousy hitch-hikers, ate coral, and took directions from algae! And now, you're telling me they thought they could drive—

Squidward is run over and flattened by the boulder SpongeBob is driving like a car. It continues in the other direction.

...rocks? Hold on there, Jethro!

We cut to a muffler-shaped house on a city street. SpongeBob and Squidward arrive on the boulder, scraping sand along the bottom. Upbeat music starts to play.

SPONGEBOB: I can't wait to see the look on our customer's face!

He shakes his butt like a rattle-snake and hops off the boulder. He walks up to the door, rings the doorbell, and gives a thumbs-up to Squidward off-screen.

CUSTOMER: Yeah?
SPONGEBOB: Congratulations, sir! Your Krabby Patty Pizza is here!
CUSTOMER: Wow, thanks! I've been dyin' for one of these, a— Where's my drink?
SPONGEBOB: *pause* What drink?
CUSTOMER: *angrily* My drink! My Diet Dr. Kelp! *yelling* Don't tell me ya forgot my drink!
SPONGEBOB: *defeated, checking his notes* But... you didn't order any—
CUSTOMER: How am I supposed to eat this pizza without my drink?!

Tears well up in SpongeBob's eyes, who is now unable to form words.

Didn't you ever once think of the customer? *throws pizza in SpongeBob's face* You call yourself a delivery boy? Well, I ain't buyin'!

The customer slams the door in SpongeBob's face off-screen. We see Squidward react harshly.

SQUIDWARD: *softly* Sponge?

Sad music plays as SpongeBob walks back to the boulder, pizza box in-hand. He forces a smile and shakes, attempting to hold in his emotions.

Sponge? It's okay. Sponge?

SpongeBob plops face-first into the pavement, losing his hat and finally letting go of the pizza box. Defeated, he gulps in a huge breath of air before letting out a very long and hearty sob. As he cries, the tears puddle up on the ground, drying him out in a sponge-like fashion. He continues to sob, absorbing and wringing out.

Sponge?

Angrily and triumphantly, Squidward picks up the pizza box off the ground, storms to the door, and bangs on it multiple times. The music changes to a determined, Hawaiian-themed drum.

CUSTOMER: Another one? Look, I told your little friend I ain't payin' for that!
SQUIDWARD: Well, this one's on the... house! *He shoves the pizza in the customer's face/camera, cutting to black.*
SPONGEBOB: *wiping away tears* Did he change his mind?
SQUIDWARD: He sure did. Ate the whole thing in one bite.
SPONGEBOB: *jumps up happily* No drink?
SQUIDWARD: Nah. *He springboards off SpongeBob to get back on the boulder.* Now, take me home.
SPONGEBOB: Are you kidding? We have just enough time to make it back to work!
SQUIDWARD: Work? Oh, my aching tentacles!

Cut to black.