[Intro: French Narrator]
One studio session later...

[Chorus: SpongeBob]
Dear Magic Conch Shell, what can I do to erase all the heartache?
She's such a bombshell, blowin' me up like a bomb factory pastry

[Verse 1: SpongeBob]
I haven't seen her around this town for a while
Now Bikini Bottom's not the same without her
She got my boatmobile when I was out at the fields
And hit the road, leavin' me at Rock Bottom
I'm tryin' to firmly grasp it
But the ending was oh so tragic
Not even Man-Ray would put me through this kind of hell

[Chorus: SpongeBob]
Dear Magic Conch Shell, what can I do to erase all the heartache?
She's such a bombshеll, blowin' me up like a bomb factory pastry
She's been playin' karatе with someone else, and I'm all to blame
Now I'm throwin' my doubloons in a wishin' well
Mmm, what do I do, dear Magic Conch Shell?

[Post-Chorus: Magic Conch Shell & Sandy]
Try asking again
What do I do, dear Magic Conch Shell?
[Verse 2: Sandy]
I ain't been back in that town for a while
Since I packed my dome and went back to Texas
I swear the Lone Star State will keep my lone heart safe
From another Sponge givin' me a heartbreak
Hang on there, little square dude
I tried my best, but my best was never good enough for you
Now I'm alone in this tree, just thinkin' of you and me, sayin'

[Chorus: SpongeBob, SpongeBob & Sandy]
Dear Magic Conch Shell, what can I do to erase all the heartache?
She's such a bombshell, blowin' me up like a bomb factory pie while I'm watchin' the sunrise
She's been playin' karate with someone else, and I'm all to blame
Now I'm throwin' my doubloons in a wishin' well
Mmm, what do I do, dear Magic Conch Shell?

[Post-Chorus: Sandy, SpongeBob, Both]
(Oh, what do I do?)
(What do I do, dear Magic Conch Shell?)
Oh, what do I do, I do, I do?
Mmm, what do I do, dear Magic Conch Shell?

[Outro: Magic Conch Shell]
Nothing