[Verse 1]
Anthony walked to his death
Because he thought he'd never feel this way again
If he goes back to the house
Then things would go from bad to worse, what could he do?
He wants to remember things
Exactly as he left them on that funny day
And if there is something else beyond, he isn't scared
Because it's bound to be less boring than today
Bound to be less boring than tomorrow

[Verse 2]
Hilary went to her death
Because she couldn't think of anything to say
Everybody thought that she was boring
So they never listened anyway
Nobody was really saying anything of interest, she fell asleep
She was into S&M and bible studies
Not everyone's cup of tea, she would admit to me
Her cup of tea, she would admit to no one
Her cup of tea, she would admit to me
Her cup of tea, she would admit to no one

[Verse 3]
Hilary went to the Catholic Church
Because she wanted information
The vicar or whatever took her to one side
And gave her confirmation,
Saint Theresa's calling her
The church up on the hill is looking lovely
But it didn't interest, the only things she wants to know is
How and why and when and where to go
How and why and when and where to follow
How and why and when and where to go
How and why and when and where to follow
[Chorus]
But if you are feeling sinister
Go off and see a minister
He'll try in vain to take away
The pain of being a hopeless unbeliever
La la la la la la la

[Verse 4]
When she got back, her spirituality
Was thrown into confusion
So she got a special deal
On renting from the man at Rediffusion
"Look at me! I'm on TV
It makes up for the shortcomings of being poor
Now I'm in a million pieces"
Picked up for deliberation by the people listening at home
By the people watching on the telly
By the people listening at home
By the people watching on the telly

[Chorus]
But if you are feeling sinister
Go off and see a minister
He'll try in vain to take away
The pain of being a hopeless unbeliever
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
[Outro]
But if you are feeling sinister
Go off and see a minister
The chances are you'll probably feel better
If you stayed and played with yourself