[Intro: Molly Guldemond & Debra-Jean Creelman]
Uh-oh, ye-ah, uh-oh, ye-ah-oh
Uh-oh, ye-ah, uh-oh

[Verse 1: Ryan Guldemond]
I wear women's underwear
And then I go to strike a pose in my full-length mirror
I cross my legs just like a queer
But my libido is strong when a lady is near, yeah
What defines a straight man's straight?
Is it the boxer in the brief or a twelve-ounce steak? Nah
I'll tell you what a woman loves most
It's a man you can slap but can also stroke

[Chorus: Molly Guldemond & Debra-Jean Creelman]
Goin' in the wind is an eddy of the truth and it's naked
It's verbatim, and it's shakin'
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no more getting elated
No more listless invitations

[Post-Chorus: Ryan Guldemond]
UGH!

[Verse 2: Ryan Guldemond]
I live by a hospital
And every day, I go out walking past its sickly windows
I see people dyin' there
But my tender age makes it hard to care
The incinerator and a big smokestack
It's a phallic symbol and it makes me laugh (Ha)
All I need is a heart attack, c'mon
Humble my bones with a cardiac (Humble my bones with a cardiac)
[Chorus: Molly Guldemond & Debra-Jean Creelman]
Goin' in the wind is an eddy of the truth and it's naked
It's verbatim, and it's shakin'
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no more getting elated
No more listless invitations

[Bridge: Ryan Guldemond with Molly Guldemond & Debra-Jean Creelman]
For the love of fuck, for the sake of Pete
Did you ever really think you'd love a guy like me?
I am the rooster in the morning, I'm the cock of the day
I'm the boxer in the briefs, I'm a twelve-ounce steak

[Bridge: Ryan Guldemond, Molly Guldemond, & Debra-Jean Creelman]
Eh-oh, eh-oh, eh-oh, eh-oh
Yabo, yabo, yabo, yabo, yabo
It's verbatim
And yeah, and it's naked
And yeah, and it's shakin'
It shakes, shakes, shakes

[Outro: Molly Guldemond & Debra-Jean Creelman]
Uh-oh, ye-ah, uh-oh, ye-ah-oh
Uh-oh, ye-ah, uh-oh, ye-ah-oh
Uh-oh, ye-ah, uh-oh, ye-ah-oh
Uh-oh, ye-ah