[Verse 1]
This morning it occurred to me
I might not look quite like a natural blonde
And I can't help but feel conned
The picture on the package
Showed a model with no baggage
Promising wild sex and marriage
With a big colour chart wand

[Verse 2]
This morning it occurred to me
I never will quite have a supermodel's legs
(Never in a million years)
Unless I cut each one in half
Become half an octopus
The two become synonymous
With cocaine, glamour, riches, beauty and crack

[Pre-Chorus]
I took a trip to the National Gallery for
There was something more refreshing in what Rubens saw

[Chorus]
My supermodel's legs
Think they were plucked from a Ruben-esque world
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
My supermodel's legs
Look pretty crap on a five-foot-four girl
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
[Refrain]
Oh, women, men and in-betweens
Why don't you just stop dieting?
Go bake, eat cake
Go cheer, drink beer
Worrying is boring

[Verse 3]
If people said "Eat loads of cake"
You wouldn't want much anyway
And then you wouldn't stuff your face
And look like King Henry the Eighth
Instead we're told off every day
For living our lives the wrong damn way
Suck my left one's what I say
If I want six coffees a day

[Refrain]
Oh, women, men and in-betweens
Why don't you just stop dieting?
Go bake, eat cake
Go cheer, drink beer
Worrying is boring me

[Pre-Chorus]
Oh, I get more turned on by pink cupcakes than heroin
Not rock and roll, I'm much more Mary Poppins
[Chorus]
Oh, supermodel's legs
They never held up much weight in my world
(Ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah)
Oh, supermodel's legs
'Cause women should be women
Girls should be allowed to be girls
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

[Outro]
(Too right)