Kermit is seen sitting on a stool, holding a book. There are four kids sitting on the ground around him. They're all located in a classroom decorated for Halloween.

KERMIT: Hey! Uh, happy, uh, happy, uh, Halloween! Who's ready for some spooky Halloween stories, huh?

KIDS: We are, we are, we are!

KERMIT: Alrighty! This first one's called "You're Gonna Die Tonight". Ahem. Tonight, a girl with no eyes and no nose will come out of your closet and, uh, you'll die. The end. Yay!

KERMIT: Okay, show of hands: who's going trick or treating tonight?

KIDS: I am!

KERMIT: Looks like a lot of you. Well, this next story is called "Razors In Your Candy" and it's a poem!

KERMIT: There are no razors in your candy, apples, sweets, or granolas. But there is a pretty giant chance they've all been laced with Ebola.

KERMIT: I guess I should tell you that this book is completely blank, I-I'm just making this up as I go. Turns the page. Ah, I love this one.

KERMIT: This next story is called "There Is No Santa Claus"—

JASON: You're the worst, Kermit!

KERMIT: No, you're the worst, Billy!

JASON: That's not even my name!
KERMIT: Everyone, just relax, alright? It's Halloween. I clocked out, like, three martinis ago, okay, I'm barely conscious.

KERMIT: How about I tell you a story called "Spooky Scary Skeletons"? Shut up, shut-shut up.

KERMIT: We will all become spooky scary skeletons in the end. It is inevitable. And all we do beforehand matters not.

KERMIT: Well, this party died! How about a little, uh, Halloween song to, uh, get you all in the mood? Yeah, you all know this one.

KERMIT: Ghosts aren't real, but my lust for blood is!

KERMIT: I hope you all have a fun, safe, Halloween tonight. Except you, Billy. Except you.