[Intro: Spoken Word]
Hey Santa,
It's me again.
This Christmas, I don't want a Wii-
I already have one of those, it's awesome.
You see, Santa,
This year's a little different...

[Chorus]
All I want for Christmas is a girlfriend
I'm single and lonely, in case you can't tell
I don't want nothing but a girlfriend
Oh Santa, can't you help me- I'm desperate as hell!

[Verse 1]
You know I've been so good this year,
I'm sick of my friends calling me queer
And chicks are supposed to dig guys in frats

I'm looking for the girl next door
But more than willing to settle for
A girl who's just a little flat
And now that the time has come,
I think I deserve my Wonder Woman!

[Chorus]
All I want for Christmas is a girlfriend
I'm single and lonely, in case you can't tell
I don't want nothing but a girlfriend
Oh Santa, can't you help me-
[Spoken Word]
Ukulele solo

[Sweet ukulele solo]

[Verse 2]
I'm very picky, my girl's got to be good
So here's my list, just so you know what's understood
1. You must be single
2. Gotta be female
3.
Uh...
You know what?
That's good enough

[Chorus]
All I want for Christmas is a girlfriend
I'm single and lonely, in case you can't tell
(I'm so goddamn single)
I don't want nothing but a girlfriend
Oh Santa, you fat bastard
I'm desperate as hell

[Outro]
Be my girlfriend
Be my girlfriend
Be my girlfriend
Please don't be my girlfriend
All I want for girlfriend is a Christma-

[Outro: Spoken Word]
Oop! Did I just switch girlfriend and Christmas?
Alright, let's go back and fix that.
What? We can't?
So what, this is going to stay in the final
Fine

Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Have a great Boxing Day
What the hell is Boxing Day?
I don't, I don't even think that's a real holiday
It's fictitious

I'm desperate as hell