[Intro]
Yeah, that's a quality tweet...
Oh, hello. You've probably never heard of me. Brock Baker's my name. People stopped watching me years ago and all my impressions sound the same. If you screened my videos in a theatre everyone would be booing. I'm so desperate for views I'm doing what everyone else is doing.

A roast myself challenge?
That sounds pretty awesome
I'll hop on this bandwagon
Quicker than Shane Dawson

But no, let me stop there
This is a roast about myself
I'm 30 years old
And I have toys on my shelf

Been on YouTube for 10 years
Got nothin' to show for it
Next time I'm on a bridge
I should just fuckin' go for it

(I'm talking about jumping. Off a bridge! But not really, that's an exaggeration. A bad joke. I'm full of those!)

Roast myself
I do this pretty much in all my videos anyway
Roast myself
'Til I was in my 20s, my Dad thought I was gay
Roast myself
I'm not, but this musical style isn't helping my case
I wish I had better teeth and a handsomer face (transition)
I'm in my kitchen
Makin' a bitchin' dish
For myself and no one else
'Cuz I'm perpetually single
I barely even mingle
Last time I had sex
Was with a can of Pringles
This roast is too hot
Someone turn down the burner
I'm the most hated Brock
Even more so than Turner
I'm old, I'm used up
I peaked years ago
My rhymes suck, I'm fucked
I have terrible flow
I was only popular off other people's success
When asked if I wanted easy views
I answered with a "fuck yes"

Now my view count is in a downward spiral
No one talks to me unless I'm going super viral
But talent doesn't matter in the YouTube game
You need to be cute for that internet fame

It's a popularity contest that I just can't win
I need tall hair and jump cuts just to fit in
Collab with a bigger YouTuber? That'll get me views
[Filthy Frank]
No thanks

[Jon Cozart]
I'll pass

[Mikey Bolts]
I'm better than you

Opportunities like that are becoming more of a rarity

[jacksfilms]
I only put Brock in my stuff 'cause I like giving to charity

Another option is to pander, that puts me into a depression
So tune in next week for my Overwatch impressions

(Huh... that's actually not a bad idea. But what if I suck at those voices? Ah, that never stopped me before!)

Roast myself
I'm so full of self loathing, this has been easy
Roast myself
Hearing myself sing makes me queasy
Roast myself
Hey, remember when I used to be funny?
Uhh, yeah, neither do I...
I often ask myself, "what am I doing with my life?"
By the time I reached 30, thought I'd at least have a wife
Living in a nice house with that voice over cash
But dreams like that just don't happen in a flash

I need to work harder, get over my fears
Pour in my blood, my sweat, and my tears
'Cuz YouTube isn't everything, there's bigger stuff ahead
Remember when the most subscribed channel was Fred?

But there's no point in being angry and bitter
Burning bridges and taking my frustrations out on Twitter
Instead of being mopey and feeling underappreciated
I should be proud of the stuff I've created

Made millions of people laugh with my voices and jokes
There's no reason for me to be constantly broke
'Cuz I'm pretty damn funny, creative, talented, unique
I wrote this whole song even though it took me a few weeks

Despite the fact I've made poor life choices
I'm the god damn man of a kajillion damn voices
Plus I'm big brained, big hearted, big crotched
So a big thanks to those few who actually watched