[Song 1: Kermit returns!]
[Kermit and Student]
Alright, boys and girls, eh, today we're gonna-- Ew! Why're you all dressed up like little doctors and shit?
Uh, Mr. Kermit, it's because of, uh, Coro- Co- Co- Coro- Covo- Cono-
Co- Co- Coro- Co-
Cornovavirus
Oh, you dumb, dumb kids. Looks like Uncle Kermy's gonna gave to teach you a life lesson! Alright, shut up

COVID's a hoax
No, COVID's not real
People die every day
At least that's how I feel

No, I don't respect those
Who choose to wear masks
But we wear them to save lives!
Whoops! I didn't ask

La la la la la la
Over the rainbow and
La la la-
Sing along, you pussies!

[Kermit begins coughing intensely]

[Song 2: Uncle Uh-Oh]
[Jack Duh Glass, Chaq Duglass, Jacked Ugh Lass, Jak D'uglass, and (All)]
Merry Christmas, boys!
(Merry Christmas!)
Hey, if you guys told me last yеar that I'd be spending Christmas on a Zoom call, I'd be likе: "What the heck is Zoom?"
[All laugh]
Um, stupid question, but nobody gave Uncle Uh-Oh the Zoom link, right?
No, no, no, no. No
No, I did not
I might have...
No! No, you didn't!
Dude! Why?!
[Uncle Uh-Oh]
Trump won by a lot
Investigate the deep state
Reptiles rule the world
Look into Wayfair
Bill Gates will microchip ya
5G hurts my brain
I don't trust the vaccines
Obama was born on Mars

See you boys next year!

[Song 3: How to Make a Candy Cane Cocktail]
One shot of White Godvia
One shot Vanilla Rum
One shot of creme de menthe
(Rumple Minze is also fun)
Chill until it's nice and cold
Garnish with a candy cane
Stalk your more successful ex
Enjoy your fancy drink!

[Song 4: A Quarantined Qwistmas]
Stuck inside, nothin' sadder
Browsing TikToks, getting fatter
No, I fear that this'll turn to my new routine
Ah, Santa, won't you bring me that vaccine?

[Song 5: Don't Buy a PS5]
[All]
Don't buy a PS5
There's only like three games
Wait for the developers
To figure out the controller
And don't buy a PS5

[Falsetto]
The only games I can even name
Are a remaster of an 11-year-old game
There's a title that's just glorified DLC
And a game that looks like it launched with the PS3

[All]
Don't buy a PS5
Wait for the Pro or Slim
The library's so tiny
Who cares if it's new and shiny
Just don't buy a PS5

[Song 6: Inflatables Are Tacky]
Goin' round the neighborhood, shootin' all inflatables
I love it when my wife lets me buy more guns
[Song 7: Shrek 5, Pt. 2]
[Verse 1]
Another year has come and gone
Somehow, we're still alive
How can the whole world carry on
With no news of Shrek 5?

[Chorus]
We were promised long ago
But movie progress moves so slow
I cannot sleep, eat, drink, oh no
I need my big green man
Four films just isn't enough
I'm not that strong, I'm not that tough
Here's a pic of Shrek in the buff
Dreamworks, what is the plan?

[Outro]
You could've saved this wretched year
With any Shrek 5 news
Instead, you made a sequel to
The motherfucking Croods
Shame on you