[Song 1: Why Is the Grinch So Thicc?]
Why, oh why, is the Grinch so thicc?
He's got more cake than ten Saint Nicks
An ass so fat that it makes me sick
What in the world could he do with it?
He's got a dump truck too big for the road
You bet your skinny ass it's a damn wide load
And his cheeks clap, clap
What a fun, neat trick
Why, oh why, is the Grinch so thicc?

[Song 2: Every Christmas Tree Has One Shitty Ornament]
Every Christmas tree has one shitty ornament
One shitty ornament, one shitty ornament
Every Christmas tree has one shitty ornament
If you disagree, you're wrong (bum, bum, bum)
Every Christmas tree has-

[Song 3: I'm a Little Cuck for Christmas]
The lights upon the tree just fill my soul with glee
Oh, I'm a little cuck for Christmas
It takes over my life
It can totally boink my wife
Thus making me a cuck for Christmas

[Song 4: Where Are My Chips, Santa?]
I wanted a PlayStation 5
But I didn't get one, did I?
I'm going to find you and then unalive you
So here's your headstart, now go hide
[Song 5: Christmas Weight]
I gained five poooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

[Song 6: A Normal Christmas at Last]
[Skit: Jack and Erin]
Hurry up Jack, we're gonna miss our flight
Wow, a normal Christmas at last. I can't believe we're finally seeing our families
Yup, we gotta go
Y'know, this Christmas is almost perfect. Almost...
Let's go, man
There's only one thing I want on my Christmas list!
Oh my God, we have to go!

[Verse: Jack]
Where is the Shrek 5 trailer?
It's been eleven years (oh my God)
Are the ogres still sexually active?
I need to know if they're still sexually active
Maybe we could see him as a child (aw, how cute!)
Or maybe he is on death's door (aw, how cute!)
Or maybe Donkey turns into a villain
I honestly don't care, I just want more
Where is the Shrek 5 trailer?
Put it up my butt (mmm)
DreamWorks, if you upload just a teaser
I will stop whatever I'm doing and overanalyze every frame of the teaser in a livestream
(I have a problem!)
[Song 7: The Uncomfortable Truth about Christmas]
Christmas day kinda sucks
Christmas day kinda blows
We wait all year for a day
And then, woop, there it goes
The morning's kinda fun, but in the afternoon
Around three or four PM, the sun sets way too soon
And it's dark outside and you realize there's not much left to do
And all you feel can only be described as mighty blue
Christmas day kinda sucks
So here's what I have to say
Put more stock in the season
And not so much in the day

[Song 8: The Final Song]
How many baubles can I fit up there?
The doctor says I shouldn't, but I don't care
I'm frisky, bored, and curious
And I must see if I can break my record of twenty-three
I broke my sphincter into smithereens
And I didn't even make it into the late teens
No, I haven't learned my lesson, I'll keep punishing my rear
And I'll try it again next year