Now this is the story of Jack and Jill
And I don't mean the couple who went up the hill
I just mean a couple o' lovers that live next door
And they’re always battlin' and I'm tryin' to keep the score

They’re always
Pettin' and pokin' and
Jabbin' and jokin' and
Cuein' and crackin' and
Wooin' and wackin'

They keep neckin' and knockin'
Singin' and sockin' an'
Squawkin' and squeezin' an'
Burnin' and freezin'

Why, he holds her hands as long as he's able
But when he lets go, she bops him with a table

They start right in
Pattin' and pinchin' and
Cloudin' and clinchin'
They're enjoying themselves, havin' a good time

Now Reverend Green thought he'd call one day
On this nicely newly weds across the way
But just as the pastor knocked on the door
A straight right connected; "Mop," he hit the floor
They was pettin' and poppin' and
Bangin' and boppin'
Cooin' and kissin' and
Hittin' and missin'
They kept on groovin' and grievin' and
Lovin' and leavin'
Kickin' and cacklin' and
Ticklin' and tacklin'

Now one night a neighbor tried some intervention
But one short jab knocked out his good intention

They started right in, stewin' and stabbin' and
Jivin' and jabbin'
Havin' a good time

Now once a lion escaped from a circus train
He strayed in Jack and Jill's domain
Just then they got in a towerin' rage
Lion took one look and jumped back in his cage

They started in swattin' and swingin' and
Pottin' and playin'
Stompin' and stabbin' and
Groovin' and grabbin'
They kept dancin' and duckin'
Trippin' and truckin'
Plottin' and pleadin' and
Bangin' and bleedin'
Her mother said, "I'll go right In there and fetch her"
But mom came out riding on a stretcher

They started right in
Hittin' and holdin'
Faintin' and foldin'
They was enjoying themselves, havin' a good time

Now once a reporter called on the wife
Just to gather some data on her hectic life
She told him she'd never found time for books
She's always busy duckin' left hooks

They was always swattin' and swingin' and
Sockin' and singin' and
Cuttin' and cuddlin' and
Messin' and muddlin' they kept on
Fondlin' and fussin' and
Kissin' and cussin' and
Tappin' and teasin' and
Squattin' and squeezin'

Once a voice called out, "Stop! I'm the law"
But all he stopped was a haymaker to the jaw
They started in jivin' and jumpin' and trobbin' and thumpin'
They was enjoying themselves
You see they were in love
Ain't married life wonderful?
Hey, will somebody call Dr. Kildare?
Is Dr. Christian in the house?
Huh?