[WHITNEY AVALON]
Poor unfortunate souls
In pain
In need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "Spells, Ursula please!"
And I help them?
Yes, I do

[PETER HOLLENS]
So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for sensational news
A shining new era
Is tiptoeing nearer

[WHITNEY AVALON]
And where do we feature?

[PETER HOLLENS]
Just listen to teacher
I know it sounds sordid
But you'll be rewarded
When at last I am given my dues
And injustice deliciously squared
[WHITNEY AVALON & PETER HOLLENS]
Be prepared!

[PETER HOLLENS]
Beata Maria
You know I am a righteous man
Of my virtue I am justly proud
(Et tibit Pater)
Beata Maria
You know I'm so much purer than
The common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd
(Quia peccavi nimis)
Then tell me, Maria
Why I see her dancing there
Why her smold'ring eyes still scorch my soul
(Cogitatione)
I feel her, I see her
The sun caught in her raven hair
Is blazing in me out of all control
(Verbo et opere)
Like fire
Hellfire
This fire in my skin
This burning
Desire
Is turning me to sin
[WHITNEY AVALON]
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's

[PETER HOLLENS]
For there's no one in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!

[WHITNEY AVALON]
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley
And they'll tell ya whose team they prefer to be on!

[WHITNEY AVALON & PETER HOLLENS]
No one's been like Gaston
A kingpin like Gaston

[WHITNEY AVALON]
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

[PETER HOLLENS]
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

[WHITNEY AVALON]
My, what a guy, that Gaston!
Mother knows best
Listen to your mother
It's a scary world out there

[PETER HOLLENS]
(Very scary world)

[WHITNEY AVALON]
Mother knows best
One way or another
Something will go wrong, I swear
Ruffians, thugs
Poison ivy, quicksand
Cannibals and snakes
The plague

[PETER HOLLENS]
No!

[WHITNEY AVALON]
Yes!

[PETER HOLLENS]
But --

[WHITNEY AVALON]
Also large bugs
Men with pointy teeth, and
Stop, no more, you'll just upset me
Mother's right here
Mother will protect you
Darling, here's what I suggest
Skip the drama
Stay with mama
Mother knows best

[PETER HOLLENS]
Yes...
Are you ready? (Are you ready?)
Are ya ready?
Transformation central! (Transformation central!)
Transformation central! (Transformation central!)
Transmogrification central!
Can you feel it?
You're changin', you're changin', you're changin' all right!
I hope you're satisfied
But if you ain't, don't blame me!
You can blame my friends on the other side...
(But you got what you wanted!)

[WHITNEY AVALON]
But you lost what you had!

So Ali turns out to be
Merely Aladdin
Just a con, need I go on?
Take it from me

[PETER HOLLENS]
His personality flaws
Give me adequate cause

[WHITNEY AVALON]
To send him packing on a one-way trip
So his prospects take a terminal dip

[PETER HOLLENS]
His assets frozen

[WHITNEY AVALON]
The venue chosen

[WHITNEY AVALON & PETER HOLLENS]
Is the ends of the earth, whoopee!
So long!
Ex-Prince Ali!

[WHITNEY AVALON]
Mother knows best!

[PETER HOLLENS]
Friends on the other side!

[WHITNEY AVALON]
Poor unfortunate souls!

[PETER HOLLENS]
Be prepared!