[Verse 1]
You used to be quite content
With your shower cap
But now I know you feel much more at home
With a case of Handi-Wrap
You'd hold your own
If you thought that it was clean
At least give me some gloves to wear
Or a picture of St. Augustine

[Chorus 1]
If I were to die with these things on
Can't say I didn't try

[Verse 2]
I'd think that you would try
To find something to do
With my old school tie
That doesn't turn my skin blue
Is it hot in here
Or do I feel a little draft
From these pants that you brought for me to wear
The ones that have no back

[Chorus 2]
If I were to die with these things on
You might want to try another size
[Verse 3]
I'd take your name
If I thought it'd do me good
If it's all the same to you
I'll just take a look under your hood

[Chorus 3]
If you were to die with that thing on
You could've chose a better style

[Verse 4]
And now that you've gone off
And all of this has passed
I don't recall your face no more
But you left behind your mask

[Chorus 4]
If I were to die with these things gone
I'd be frozen with a smile

[Instrumental Outro]