[Verse 1]
I'm a porter and a night clerk at the old Hot Rod Hotel
I clean and scrub the lobby down and thirty-one rooms as well
I wax and shine their boots and shoes, I brush down their crinkly clothes
And I meet the buses and trains and I show you to your door

[Verse 2]
Bellbottom pants brought two boys in at 6:14 last night
Two girls checked in at 10:02 and I flipped on the light
The lamrod's wife looks in their doors and finds one terrible sight
Those boys and girls got bawled up in their doors and rooms that night

[Verse 3]
A bloody flood could never mess these rooms up any worse
It looked like Moe had used this room to grease and breed a horse
Old gum and hairs and sticky rags, old bottles on the floors
Gobs of spit and condom rubbers on the windows, walls, and doors

[Verse 4]
The lammy tried to make me clean out that crappy mess
Or else he'd fire me off my job and let me starve to death
I laid aside my polish rag and I downed my dusting pan
And I've not seen the old Hot Rod nor that old town since then