[CRAIG]
Big news!
Another week goes by in Atlanta!
Another fascinating, scintillating
Stimulating, spirit-stirring week!
Big news!
Another Sunday comes to Atlanta!
Another week of news so thrilling
That your average city newshound
Wants to take a flying jump into the creek!

You got a kitten up a tree?
Well, come to me! And I'll see
It makes it on the front page!
The mayors mother broke her toe?
They gotta know!
Stop the press! It's a mess
It's the scandal of the age!
Hell, it's big news
Another shock to rock Atlanta!
Another information feast
From the gateway to the whole Southeast!

Look!
In the mines and the mills
And the Mexican hills
They got stories to tell
Look!
Now Ohio's afloat
Soon the women'll vote
And we'll all go to Hell
Look!
Now that Wilson is in
And old Taft didn't win
Hell, they're comin' to blows!
Look!
The Titanic went down
But I'm stuck in this town
With my thumb up my nose
And that's big news!
Another stir-crazy freak in Atlanta
The Board of Estimates approved a new street! (Yippee!)
They're building churches out of high-grade concrete!
(Look at that!)
They say the rain'll give a break from the heat!
It's a scoop! It's a twist!
It's a reason to exist!
Pray to Heaven! Pray to Zeus!
There's a genius on the loose!

And that's really, really, really, really big news!
You never saw such things in Atlanta!
Another brilliant mind deceased
In the gateway to the whole Southeast!

What a town!