[BETSY]
Betsy's getting married
Yessiree, it's true
Finally, Jack got it through his head
Betsy's getting married
Long past overdue
Thirty-one years of holding tight
And crossing my fingers every night
You better believe I'm wearing white
'Cuz Betsy's getting wed

Betsy's getting married
Call my college gang
Even though even though they gave me up for dead
Betsy's getting married
Get me Vera Wang
Thirty-one years I climbed that hill
Seventeen years I'm on the pill
Lisa Levine's on JDate still
But Betsy's getting wed

Oo, ooh
Isn't he smart and sweet and dreamy?
Oo, ooh
Don't I wish Mom and Dad could see me?
Oo, ooh
All of these wannabes wanna be me
It might be luck, it might be fate
But whatever it is, it was worth the wait
[BETSY & MALE ENSEMBLE]
Oo, ooh
Who's that princess wearing Prada?
Oo, ooh
Who is the toast of all Nevada?
Oo, ooh
Who's gonna get the whole enchilada?
He'll be mine and I'll be his
It took forever, but here it is

[MALE ENSEMBLE]
Betsy's getting married
Get that girl a drink
Send that couple breakfast in their bed

[BETSY]
Thirty-one years I knit my brow
Wondering when and who and how
Well, baby, I hit the jackpot now
Cuz' Betsy's

[MALE ENSEMBLE]
Betsy's

[BETSY]
Getting wed
[FEMALE ENSEMBLE]
Eight of diamonds
Nine of diamonds
Ten of diamonds
Jack of diamonds
Queen of diamonds

[JACK]
Keep your hands steady
Keep your head clear
Thank the Lord above
You got a straight flush

Keep your voice level
Keep your cards near
Don't yell "holy shit!"
I've got a straight flush

Once in your life you get a hand like this
Get a completely unbeatable hand like this
And it's like God came and gave you a little kiss
And said "Go forth and multiply"
Once in your life you get a hand like this
And though tonight might be all about wedded bliss
Today will be all about making a run
Like Attila the Hun
Vanquishing everything under the sun
Plundering, pillaging, having some fun
And I'm gonna be rich because, son-of-a-bitch
I've got a straight flush
Straight flush
Straight flush
[BETSY]
Betsy's getting married
There's no turning back
Betsy better not have been misled
Betsy's getting married
Where the hell is Jack

Maybe he needed time to think
Maybe he had to call his shrink
Maybe I need another drink

[JACK & ENSEMBLE]
Eight of diamonds
Nine of diamonds
Ten of diamonds
Jack of diamonds
Queen of diamonds
Straight flush to the queen

[TOMMY KORMAN, spoken]
Wow, this is really one for the books, kid!

[ENSEMBLE]
Nine of clubs
Ten of clubs
Jack of clubs
Queen of clubs
King of clubs

[TOMMY KORMAN]
Straight flush to the king

[spoken]
Sorry, kid, you're out fifty-eight grand