[BUDDY, spoken]
Good morning. Do any of you remember that music? That was the theme song from my television show back in 1955, "Saturday Nights," eight o'clock on CBS. Anybody remember that?

Anybody remember breakfast?

Anybody remember anything?

Oh boy, this is gonna be work. 

(sung)
I'm here to bring a little joy
I'm here to have a little fun
I'm here to crack a little joke
A little dig, a little poke
And leave you happy when I'm done
I'm here to bring a little smile
So lеave your troubles for a while
It's just a gift I'vе had since I was a boy
To bring you all a little joy

(spoken)
Oh, Jesus Christ. 

Let me ask you something folks. You all came here on purpose, right? You didn't like, lose a bet, or anything? Okay, good. 

(sung)
I'm here to share a couple laughs
I'm here to make you all convulse
I'm here to bring a little mirth
To celebrate our time on earth
Of course it helps to have a pulse
(spoken)
Folks, if you're having a good time, tell your face. 
(sung)
I"m here to make you feel at ease
What, am I speaking in Chinese?
(spoken)
So the other day my wife yells down at me, she says, "Buddy, come upstairs and make love to me!" I said, make up your mind, I can't do both. 
(sung)
Sharing the gift of laughter
You'll live happily ever after
So that even when life gets tough it pulls you through
When I'm singing the blues and got 'em
And I feel like I've hit the bottom
I think, "Hey, it could be worse, I could be you!"

(spoken)
Come on, give me something. I know you're out there, I can hear you decomposing. 

I know it's tough when you get older. A lot of you are very sad. I understand some of you are still sitting shiva for Lincoln. 

You know when you're really old? When somebody comes up to you and they say, "Hey, I like your alligator shoes," and you're barefoot. 

Well this has been a lovely ordeal. 

(sung)
I'm glad I brought a little joy
Your hearse is waiting at the door
I'm glad that I could bring some laughter and cheer
To everyone here
(spoken)
Except you, lady. Yeah, you. By the way, Moses called. He said you were a great fuck. 
(sung)
The world could use a little joy
(spoken)
That's it folks. Enjoy your naps, and remember—wake up.