[ELAINE]
Everybody gets to be dramatic
Everybody's always slamming doors
Tell me Stanley, have you ever noticed
It's always their turn, never mine or yours?
Always have to smooth the ruffled feathers
Angry words that feel like an assault
Everybody's acting like an asshole
Yet somehow it turns out to be my fault
Oy gevalt

I wanna go to Tahiti
Wander in the sultry air
Swinging slow in a hammock
A calla lily in my hair
Say goodbye to all pressing world affairs
My girdle and my cares
My coat and gloves and hat
Barefoot all day long
In a silk sarong
So what's so wrong with that?

Life's serene in Tahiti
All the sunshine you could wish
No one cares about show biz
The only biz there is is fish
I'd sit and eat a bowl of fruit
In my birthday suit
In a hut right by the sea
Boca can be nice
But it's Tahiti for me
(spoken)
Dance with me, Stanley. Riddle me this. How come when something goes south with a kid, they always blame the mother?

[STAN, spoken]
Who should they blame, the mailman?

[ELAINE, spoken]
Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Fuck you, Stan. 
(sung)
Aye aye aye
Me and my Miami tan
(spoken)
Come on, Stan. 

[ELAINE & STAN]
Aye aye aye

[ELAINE]
I could be a model
And pose for Gauguin

Paint me there in Tahiti
I won't touch any pans or pots
Hang me in a museum (Whoa!)
That would make my girlfriends plotz
They're gonna crying for my name
But I won't be there to blame
For their pain and misery
Mama's breaking free
It's Tahiti for me
Tahiti-bound
Where the mai tais are on tap
And no one's giving me crap
Nobody's around
In my hut right by the sea
It's Tahiti
(spoken)
Stan, I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. 
(sung)
It's Tahiti for me!