[Verse 1: Dean Martin]
If you got it, you don't need it
If you need it, you don't got it
You don't get, it shame on you
Funny, funny, funny what money can do

[Verse 2: Dean Martin]
Them that have it get more of it
Less they need it, the more they love it
And it sticks to them like glue
Funny, funny, funny what money can do

[Verse 3: Dean Martin]
Ask the rich man, he'll confess
Money can't buy happiness
Ask the poor man, he don't doubt
But he'd rather be miserable with than without

[Verse 4: Dean Martin]
If you spend it, please be wiser
If you save it, you're a miser
You don't want it, you're cuckoo
Funny, funny, funny what money can do

[Interlude: Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis]
La-money, mo-no-money, money-mo-no
Oh, shut up, Jerry, what are you doing?
I'm singing
This is singing?
Don't you like it?
No, I don't like it, do you wanna sing with me?
Can I sing with you?
Sure you can
All right
[Verse 5: Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis & Both]
If I do not need it badly
Friends will give it to you gladly
But I need it, nuts to you
Funny, funny, funny what money can do

[Verse 6: Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis & Both]
If I am lucky and I make it
You'll be frightened, but who can take it?
The Internal Revenue
Funny, funny, funny what money can do

[Verse 7: Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis & Both]
Birds don't got it, still, they sing
Eating winds up on the wing
Ideal lives some folks affirm
So, okay, you're a bird, but suppose you're a worm
It's a bad thing, oh yes, very
For the germs and sanitary
Will you have some? Oh, thank you
Funny, funny, funny what money can do

[Interlude: Jerry Lewis]
[?][2:12-2:24]

[Verse 5: Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis & Both]
If I got it (Who's got it?), I don't need it (But I need it)
If you need it (And I need it), you don't got it (But I want it)
You can't get it, shame on you (What can I do?)
Funny, funny, funny what money can do
Them that have it (Where'd they get it?), get more of it (Can they keep it?)
The less they need it (Who don't need it?), the more they love it (And how they love it)
And it sticks to them like glue (Boo-hoo)
Funny, funny, funny what money can do
[Outro: Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis]
Money, money, we love you
Funny, funny, funny you can do